Listing a broken heart

I am back to the state again.
Might not be as hard as some previous ones happened. But still..

The same kind of feeling.

Longing.

Missing.

Deep down loving.

Makes me wanna write down some of it that I can still remember.

First: the very first boyfriend. Gave me the biggest break up ever. One, because I was at the most naive condition I have ever been. Two, I was just in love, for the first time. Thinking it would last forever. Pain scale: 9/10. I was crying basically everyday for months. Felt like someone stabbed on my chest, and it felt so damn real.

Second: this is probably just a minor heartbreak. Bcos he was just my rebound afterall. But still kinda suck cos he just faded away.. when I was just started to really like him.

Third: Second biggest heart break ever. Time to (kinda) move on: 2 years? He is the love of my life.

Fourth: a rebound for 2 weeks which ended up becoming a good friend of mine. It was hurrttt cos not long after that he found someone else. But they broke up too eventually, which kinda make me happy :D LOL. I know that sounds mean.

Fifth: not a rebound anymore and I reaaallllyyy liked him. Head to toe. He was super sweet for 1.5 mths, adoring me etc. I was swept off the floor. I thought this one could be different, somehow. But later it became a disaster. He who was adoring me, ended up dragging me down to the deepest hell (quite dramatic expression ;P). Saying things that hurt me really bad that kinda makes me traumatized for some time. Lesson learnt: a lot! one of em, don't trust the outlook. at all.

Sixth: a mistake. but what is not a mistake? That it didn't last long at all. Plus not much connection happened between us either. I was just quite shocked cause it stopped when I was just craving for more.

Seventh: most recent one. Big big mistake. It is just a mistake I can't avoid. Hard to avoid. But am trying to. One thing for sure that I keep on reminding myself, it won't be as bad as the ones before. I would be OK