I am not prepared

to a failure.

Nope.

Not.

Just not.

And here I am now waiting, whether I will be succeeded on this one thing or not. Cause if not, I just don't have the picture, of what my life would look like in the future.

OK probably that sounds a bit exaggerated.

But the thing is, I want this sooo so bad that all I can think of is, that's the only thing I would be chasing at this moment. If I failed? Well.. I would probably just continue my life like I'm doing now, which I don't really want to do anymore. At this moment at least.

I wanna escape. From several things. And continue a whole new life out there. That's all.

You know, I've been thinking lately, that probably (or surely?) some things that we cannot have (which we know already that it's bad for us), are not meant for us. It was meant to be someone else's, cause God saved us from it. Saved us from this bad bad things. While in the future we will look back and say, I know why I couldn't have that at that time.

So, yea.

Aside from that thought, here I'm just waiting and waiting....