Giving

I feel bad about myself for having a "burden" feelings more when I spend money on somebody else, compared to if I would have spent it on myself. Have you ever felt that way too? For example, when I am looking to buy a gift for my friends or family, as much as I want to buy those things for them, if it was rather expensive, I'd think about it over and over again, and justify it inside my head, "That's OK, the person receiving it will be very happy". That's the whole point. The assurance that that particular person will be happy for receiving the gift, is the only reason that is worth the money.

Different story if I spend the money for myself. Well, I have to have enough money too, of course. But it would be easier. When I like something or want something done to me, I'd have no second thought. I enjoy myself giving such treat to me. Yes, me. It is all about me. Do I really love myself that much?

Anyway... lately I've been spending so much money, regardless no "big income" like I used to get when I did my internship. Heck, those moments were like 4 months ago. And here I am still splurging like there's no tomorrow. I'm currently in Austin with my so called BF (for 3 weeks now) and all I have been doing is spending money like a tourist. Lately also I have been browsing furniture (mainly mattress and sofa) for my new apartment in Bakersfield. It's crazy how expensive it can be and I even sorta plan to buy the high end one. I think this is an euphoria effect. I just changed my mind, though. I will still buy a good one, but not the best one. Too crazy to spend money on that kind of things. Heck, I should save more money, not keep on spending it!

I kept also reminding myself and cheering myself, there is a salary, sign-on bonus, and tax return that I will get early next year (~1month). So I shouldn't be too worried. LOL. Excuse, excuse! My credit score (at the bank) is getting lower now due to my spending (with lesser income). But you know what, there are more people that are really bad in their finance, compared to me (another excuse!).
I remember the first month I did my internship, a fellow intern of mine (an LA girl) paid off her credit card balance which left her have no more money left lolololol... That's so crazy. I said to her, "we all got the allowance, right? That's a lot of money!". But she said everything goes to the credit card payment. Lol. Gosh whata girl.

Anyways, I just bought something for someone and I just felt glad I did despite the pretty high price. Afterall, it's a Christmas season, a season of giving :)