Count Your Blessings

I have been constantly feeling sad sometimes about how "un-ideal" the situation I am in, like career wise, oil and gas industry, unknown future, but then I am also constantly trying to remind myself of how blessed I already am so far. Like, seriously.

For example, above is the tuition fee and living cost being paid by my professor, which is about +/- $18K per semester. Like, how could I afford that myself? And there are some people still willing to pay themselves (even taking student loan) just to get the education.

I should really remind myself everytime I start complaining bout things!

I Hate You

"Why..?", he asked me sweetly with that warm expression on his face. The face I would remember forever.
"Cause you make me love you"
"Making you love me in this hard situation?"
"Yea.."

When Reality Smacks You in Your Face

We had this conversation last night. The world is not a place for love. There are too much pain here.
Isn't it a little bit too unfair when two people, very much in love with each other, but cannot find a way to be together in a perfect world?

After all, life is not all about love. It might. But do you think love will stay when reality comes and slapping your face? Telling you, here is the love you want! And that's all you have to survive. Let's see how long could you cope with it.

Life is never totally fair with you. Sorry. It is just not. In the end I try to think, should I be grateful that I've at least experienced this wonderful thing for once? Or should I regret that I have to experience a lot of pain in the end? I hope I would be brave and strong enough to think the first one.




Wouldn't it be easier if we just could never have any feelings to begin with?

Just some updates

bout my life *jaelaah*

So now I have returned to the US again, luckily seeing my bf first, not directly to Golden. So it is pretty exciting and makes me happy rather than going straight to Golden. To be honest, this year is really really different compared to last year when I just got to the US. Last year I was soooo full of excitement and motivation, but now? I am just sooo unmotivated to go back. Going back to Indonesia has reminded me of how pleasant it is to live in Indonesia, how easy to get the food I love the most, how cheap it is to get massage, manicure pedicure, waxing treatment, somebody to clean up your house/apartment, and so on. But I guess that is just human nature. I saw a friend of mine on Facebook, he grew up in the US, worked several years in Indonesia and now has just recently returned to the US, seemingly so happy to be in the US and eating burgers. Meanwhile me seeing that, thinking, "waa..?" LOL.

Everybody just love their own home countries, of course. But anyywaayy, I still have my obligation to finish my school, cause if not, what's the point of all the struggles?
Other than that, I was so glad meeting my friends back in Indonesia. Some of them were really sweet ones, insisting on meeting up or even having short trip together, oh how I missed them and still do.
One thing I don't miss and makes me slightly glad not being there in Indonesia (especially Jakarta) is the crazy traffic, of course. It just made me going nuts everytime! Oh and the crimes. You can't just leave your belongings unattended, which was crazy for me after staying in the US for sometime now. I forgot my wallet a lot of time here in the US, never really lost it! People always happened to keep it for me. In Jakarta? Don't even try to think about it. I even lost my apartment access card which happened to be outside my door. It's like, seriously? Why would someone steal it? Yet they did!

Now thinking about going back to school is just irritating for me. I don't really have anyone there that I miss, at all, nope. Even looking at their Facebook updates just annoys me a lot! LOL. How bad is that?

Oh but well, now I get to see my bf for a lil bit less than 2 weeks, which I'm grateful about. I just love that guy more and more everyday :)

It is so much easier to complain than being grateful

Sometimes we realized that.

Hence people sometimes love hearing sad stories about other people (though not admitting it), because it helps us being more grateful. Don't you think? When others were faced with difficulties in their lives, we often curious, want to know why, sometimes also feel bad, it's just human nature, but then we think "wow I'm so damn lucky compared to them".

On the other hand, when others are experiencing bunch of lucks in their lives, always seem so happy, sometimes even look too lucky that they don't struggle at all in their life, we feel jealous, wishing we were in their shoes, thinking, "why can't I be as lucky as them?" "why do I have to work this hard while they don't?"

We all know we have to be grateful, always. It's just hard, and it can't be denied. But one thing that I have to remember is that, there's always rainbow after the rain, we can always get what we want (or close to) as long as we work hard enough, and you don't know the things every other people are struggling with.

5 weeks!

So I survived living with my bf for 5 weeks! It's a huge accomplishment I think. LOL. I've never seen anyone that often in my life (the one I'm dating, of course) and put up with a lot of things. Although frankly speaking, he is easy to be with. Very considerate, patient, loving, etc. Maybe the downside is sometimes he's messy, will put everything all over the places, and couple of other things, not a big thing. Moreover he would listen to my concerns and tried to compromise most of the times. One thing also (and I think I have mentioned a lot of times before) is that he is a "healthy-lifestyle" freak!

Not only that he is a vegetarian (it is already killing me), but he is also gluten intolerant (which makes me always think a lot before cooking something), peanut intolerant, onion hater (who would hate onion, seriously? And it includes green onions and shallots too! OMG! he only likes garlic). He would judge every unhealthy things I've been doing (from my toiletries which are not organic, duh, of course! until the way I use a lot of oils on my cooking, etc, etc). Last time he banned me from eating Cheetos (he really took it away from me and said he is giving it to the homeless people). He doesn't like me using microwave, either. Everytime we did grocery shopping, it always ended up being so expensive because we had to buy the organic things. Zz... and it's not even like we have a lot of money to begin with.

Man this guy is really hard to please! LOL. But sometimes I think he's right. It would be good for me to live a little bit more healthy.

Actually one thing I realize in dating life, I always learn something new from the guys I've been with.  For this one, I learn a lot of healthy life style, good classic movies (oh did I mention he makes independent movies? Yea he is a movie freak also, but hate Hollywood ones, man -.-" ) and good rock bands. He kinda taught me a bit of cooking and baking too, or maybe motivates me, cause not all of the stuffs he cooked I like, obviously, cause it's too freaking healthy to eat. One time he bought cactus and I was like, "can you even eat cactus??"
him: "yea it's healthy!"
and he cooked that gooey cactus (ew!) with eggs which I didn't want to eat that at all! And now has been almost a week, that cactus dish still exists in the fridge, hmm.. see? I was right! That doesn't taste any good, ugh. What a stubborn guy I'm living with.

So now it is 3 days more until I'm leaving for Indonesia, I'm excited and kinda sad at the same time.. Well, at least I'm going to have a chance to eat very unhealthy food very soon!!! :D

Rinduuuuu Masakan Indo :'(

OK so as much as I love my bf and how I feel when I'm around him (best loving person I've ever been with), I frickin struggled with my diet here! E is a vegetarian since about 8 years ago and I told him I hate him being vegetarian. He said it is a philosophical reason (not wanting to kill animal, blabla.. which I think is bit nonsense cos hell it is a food chain!). So here I am for almost 2 weeks already, eating veggies crap everyday -__- well he is still sweet enough that he bought me steak one time, and he's actually totally OK with me eating meat. But it still bothers me a lot since I loveeeee food, good food, and I feel like I can't enjoy it with him. All he cares about is HEALTHY food instead of good food.

I dated someone who couldn't eat pork one time and it already tortured me, hell now is a lot of worse than that.

Anyway, I've been missing Indo food like crazy now so maybe I'll just think about what I want to eat when I come back to Indo. All of those bragging posts about food on my social media, *smirk*, I'll get it eventually, bitches!

- Bakmi gang mangga
- Bakmi GM (bahkan bakmi GM pun kangen, lol)
- Pempek
- Kambing abah
- Nasi kuning
- Bubur ayam
- Chinese food anywhere in Malang
- Nasi babi guling di Bali
- Bebek goreng
- Ayam penyet
- Bakwan/baso goreng di Malang
- Seafood
- Rawon
- Soto
- Nasi pecel
- Pastel
- Tahu goreng yang enak
- dannnnn seterusnyaaaa