Closure

OK so a month relationship has over with J. I thought there would be no ceremonial goodbye or whatsoever, tried not to have a big expectation. But turned out he asked for last night out with him. We went to the cinema just like our second date. And then I realized, this boy is really really not romantic! LOL. It is not a huge deal, but yea I think he is really a typical scientist/engineer guys. Well although I would consider myself quite romantic and sweet as a scientist myself! Anyway, the end of that night we said goodbye to each other. Obviously there would be no "we could try to work this out and see what happens" like other long distance relationships in the past. And he is so young. I consider it risky to date a guy in their early 20s. Still so much to do, so much curiosity and stuffs. It'd be better if they experience all first and then later decide to settle down.

So yea that was that. Afterall I was glad there was a closure. Which is very very rare to happen to me. Usually the end of any relationships would be so bitter, sour, whatever you express it as. But this was different, cause we anticipated it from the start. No promises. And, I have someone else. We are now together again and it reminds me of how well I have been treated by him. He is not perfect, but I found myself always happy close to him :)

Multi-tasker

So technically at the moment I have two boyfriends. Although one of it was intended to last only until  end of this month. Since I'm gonna leave for Austin, he is also gonna leave for Tulsa, to start his new job. I'm happy for him that he got a job right away after grad school, which is very rare in a situation like at the moment. After all he is a smart kid, one of the reasons I like him :)

The longer I spend time with him also I realized that he is so so cute and the best quality is that he is probably the second cleanest guy I've ever been with. A nice smell guy is the best, at least for me. So who is the first cleanest guy? LOL probably my weirdo ex (the old guy). But J (let's call the Colorado bf as J) is very close to that standard. Other than that quality, I like that he is a planner. He never suddenly bailed from any of our plans, and always told me in advance what is going to happen. Like for example, one thing that I less like about him that he is a gamer. This is pretty new for me, or maybe I haven't dated enough guys to get a sample like that? LOL. But yea, he will always tell me if he is going to spend time playing video games with his friends, letting me know that I will not like it, hence I may not want to come and watch him play and ignoring me. That is somehow pretty sweet. I like how he told me in advance for most things. He even actually told me that our "thing" will not work since he is moving soon. So I am trying to manage my expectation since beginning. And I should, but the reality is, it is hard! Haha.. Especially after we hung out several times, he invited me to hang out with his friends, etc.

Oh one thing that is pretty cute about him is that he (again) told me in advance that he doesn't like to do PDA in front of his friends. LOLOL. So I was like, OK. Whatever. But he is still sweet most times. Not ignoring me or anything, really. Even for most occasions like watching Game of Thrones or just as simple as sitting inside the car, he would let his friends know we are inseparable. LOL. Unbelievably cute. Maybe I have put a lower standard since almost none of my ex's did PDA anyway. The only PDA master is E, the other boyfriend. Maybe that is the only different thing really stood out between E and J.
Anyway, I found that I can't stop talking about J lately, which is pretty scary cos then it means I'm pretty much hooked by him now.

I thought multi-tasking in dating life would be just fun and easy to handle. It is not really. I am 8 days into leaving for Austin to see E yet I'm pretty sad thinking that it will be over with J. I'm gonna miss the cute face and really nice smell. Apparently two of my weaknesses in a guy. But even if it work well with J, I don't think I'll have the guts to end thing with E. Afterall he is the sweetest guy I've ever been with. Very rare finding! :P

Confession

OK. Since I pretty much started here, I just might as well update it too. So I ended up dating that guy that had asked me out.
Yea... Not proud of it! But anyway, I don't know. I think he was just sooooo interesting and it would be such a shame for me to miss the chance, I guess.
So eventually I said yes, and he responded really really well. Although yup, now the deal is (I think) for us to hangout until the end of this month at least.

I don't know (again), but I really like him too, I think. He is just totally different from the other guys I've ever been with. Well to be fair, all of them are different to each other. But this one, he is 4 years younger (although he is graduating from his master program this May), a really nerd (which somehow I think it is super cute?!). If you watched big bang theory, he is kinda like those guys, but way more cute (more to sexy even). So yea, it is just perfect for me!

The awkward thing, though, he is super planned, like no one (again) I've ever been with. Which is a good thing, because most guys I knew would not give a damn bout small things in terms of planning. But boy, he is good. Sometimes it could be more to the boring side (?) >> cause basically my bf is really "rock&roll" type of guy. So they're just totally different.

Anywaay.... yup. Right now I am just clueless, I guess. I like them both.

If there's anything I'd be grateful about, is to come to the US being single! LOL

Being Asked Out

So last week someone in my research group asked me out. It was so sweet though, the way he did it.
Oh BTW I told my pacar already, so yea, no worries, no cheating attempt here. LOL.

So yea I have known that guy since first time I joined the group already, but we never really talked or whatever. I think he is somehow cute but it's not like I have a crush on him or whatsoever.
Beside, I feel that I'm a lil bit "jaim" at school. So if I like someone, I'll just be really active on the conversation. But if he didn't do anything, then I'd do nothing either. So yea basically my pacar is the first official guy that approached me. No one from my school yet, until this other guy. But I was quite flattered, since I think he's an OK candidate actually. Hahaha.. But well..

He added me on FB one day and then about a week ago I was surprised there was a message from him.

Isn't it pretty cute? LOL. Anyway I said yes at first, and then talked to my friends about it. Some of them encouraged me to just go on that date with him but some said well that is basically cheating. Haha.. So yea I then messaged him again saying that I actually have been seeing someone. His answer was like this.

And when I replied back, I was trying to really make him feel better. So I told him that I was thinking to still go out with him since I think he is interesting. But I don't feel that's a good idea. So he then said that he actually wouldn't mind if I was seeing someone else. That only means this wouldn't get serious. LOL. Oh well, nah boy. I will get in trouble for that. Ain't no time for me for any messing around again. I need something that I can really hold on, at least.

So yea. But when I was talking to pacar, he actually didn't mind either if that was what I want. Hahaha.. My pacar is crazy! Well he always is and I knew it :)

And then when I was on the phone with mum yesterday, I just randomly made that conversation,

"ma, ada yang ngajak ela kencan loh"

"jangan! orang2 disana itu free sex. nanti kamu bisa hamil, repot. ato tau2 mereka punya aids, kan ngga tau"

When I told pacar bout this conversation, he laughed and said, " oh I love your mom.."

Tuition Fee

It is not something new to know that the education in the U.S is considered really good compare to most other countries, but to know also the cost of the tuition, sometimes I can hardly understand. It is very very very expensive! Even for a public school. Somehow I feel so blessed that I went to undergraduate school in Indonesia, and in a public school like ITB cos I think it was very cheap. Well I don't know for now though.

I was talking with one of my classmates one day about the printer in school. Lately there had been an announcement email to tell us to be more considerate in using the printer cos it is not cheap (like the inks, papers, etc). So when we talked about that, she (my classmate) told me that our tuition fee is expensive, so why they even bother tells us something so small compare to the tuition fee. Well basically I got scholarship, so I can't complain. But then it triggered me to ask her, if she pays for her school by herself. Cos basically for me, a master program especially in engineering and science should be free. Cos not everybody can do that, or motivated enough to do that.
Long story short, she told me that she didn't get scholarship (she applied to one of the research groups at Mines but did not get accepted), but she was lucky enough that her parents are willing to pay for everything. Even more shocking, she did undergrad twice! So she graduated from Math, didn't like the job for Math graduate and then did another undergrad in Geophysics. Annddd now she is taking master in Geophysics. Can you imagine how much money her parents had spent for her? Wow!

Anyywaay so she was also telling me that it is different case for her boyfriend. He basically took a student loan for paying his undergrad and grad study. He ended up owing the bank about $90K and now that he has graduated, he has to pay around $1000/month for 15 years!!! Crazy, eh? It is almost like paying for mortgage. Tsk tsk. I think that's unbelievable, especially if someone is smart enough, why would they need to pay that amount of money for education?
Anyway again, he is lucky enough that he got hired by an oil company. So at least he would get enough income to pay for that. Well, considering he won't get laid off during this oil price crisis.
But this "student loan" thingy is very common in here. Many people have to do that to be able to get better education and end up having to pay for the loan for the rest of their lives. I remember one time my other classmate was telling me that he once worked as a janitor in some building just to pay for his school. He was even shocked that I was shocked. He asked me, "Sheila, have you not ever had to work to pay for your undergrad school?" Err... no? I kinda feel bad when I realized that I was luckier than most people, I guess.

So I started to think, well, I know also that my tuition is not cheap. Every semester I got my tuition paid by my research group and it is around $18K/semester. It is also that expensive because I am considered as "out-of-state" student. If I were "in-state" student, I would be paying around half of it, I think. And I could get that status if I have Colorado residency. So, that tuition times 4, cos I will be here for 4 semesters, it is around $72K. Although I think on my 4th semester I would be eligible for reduced tuition because by that time I would only need to take research credits, no classes. Well consider it around $60K then. Could be more, actually. And then I get stipend for around $1200/month for 2 years (minus summer time) so it is about 18 months time $1200, it is around $22K. Basically the research group ends up spending money for me almost $100K! Can you imagine if I had to take student loan for that? Wow.

Anyway again, I was thinking about it also because one of my colleague at work was telling me that he wanted to go back to school also but he was worried that he would get pushed to resign and not getting any compensation (retirement plan kind of thing). Cos basically the rumor now is that when I finished school ( I am taking Leave Without Pay now), and go back to Indo, the company I am working at won't welcome me, nor they will fire me and give me compensation. Basically they will just making me high and dry for as long as it can be and I file for resign by myself.

Well I don't know about that colleague of mine, but for me, a $100K of education plus experience and a degree, worth getting fired (without compensation) from the company I'm working at now.

Lesson

Living in the U.S has taught me a lot of things, beside of course to be a better geophysicist. LOL.
I learned how to cook, how to clean (the house, my bedroom, my clothes, dishes, etc etc), how to really watch my finance, and basically take care of most things by myself. And it hasn't even been a year now. To think about it now, eventhough I really miss getting a secured finance, I do really really really (did I say really already?) feel grateful for getting this opportunity.

Today I have just successfully made "sambel". LOL. It is because an Indo lady was selling it for $5 (I honestly don't know how much would it be), but I think it is too expensive! Well of course if she would have sold it cheaper, then how come she would make a profit? Hahaha..
Oh well, anyway, this morning I run into Asian Mart to buy Thai chili (the closest one to Indo's cabe) and shallots. I used blender to mix all of it, added a lil bit of tomatoes (stealing my landlord's), a little bit of anchovy and added salt, sugar, MSG (don't judge me!) and fry all of it. Yummy!!! It was very spicy though!! LOL.

But I'm so so so frickin proud of myself. If I was in Indo, there's no frickin way I would make it my own. But maybe I would, next time I live in Indo. Maybe. Will see if everything I have learned here would still be done by me in Indo or not. LOL.

Anyways again, I was also thinking, as what I have written on this blog also, about the story of me applying for school in the U.S, I almost bailed. I almost bailed until my friend told me to APPLY IT NOW OR NEVER! And I did.
I was thinking, man, it is still quite unbelievable. I know it has been almost a year now, but it is still something I can't really believe. Had I not applied, I would not have come here, would not have stayed in this house, would not have known my landlord, would not have known her son, which is my current BF :)

Oh well maybe you would think, "well isn't life like that? You choose one path and you might have chosen different path, it leads you into something else, different. Maybe if you hadn't come the U.S, you would still have met someone else in Jakarta, for example."

True. But I'm really really happy at the moment. And I don't think I have been this happy for the last couple of years. And for that, I thank the path I have chosen :)
I have no clue whatever will happen in the future, like all of us do, but I'm just.. truthfully, grateful for the place I am standing right now.

The new guy I love :)

Yes, love. Now I'm using that word. Pretty new for me to use it, and based on my past experience, that brought a lot of insecurities. I used to be so afraid to express it, no matter how deep my feeling was for someone.

But now he makes me feel different. Feel genuinely loved.
And just so full of affection that when we were together, I'd feel bad for other people. Hahaha...
You know when you saw love birds doing cheesy things on public, and you be like "ew.. get a room, people!"

Well now I think people would think about us that way x)))

I know for sure that "too much" is not good, but I really don't care that much for now. What will happen will happen.
And I'm happy..
And I'm in love.

That sweetest night

One thing that is also very very new to me is, I know his family so damn well. I literally live with his mom. LOL. And exchange emails with his dad every now and then. And at this very moment playing cards with his mom and sister. How amazing can that be? And they don't even know I'm with him. It's not because they will not like it, actually, they would love it. I was just afraid it wouldn't work and somehow make things awkward.

But it has been about 3 months now. I had a lot of doubts before. I still have some now. But I am one step closer to really look pass his flaws, and see lots of things I really love..