"this is your first time falling in love.. I've been there before, so I'm wary.."
"No.. I've always loved people. They just never reciprocated"
"Well.. since our love is mutual, that's making it stronger"
***
That's true. The part where "they never reciprocated". I was in quite a few relationships before, if you can call so. But I just realized now that most of them are jack-asses?! Not because it's over now that I talk shit about it, but that's how it was. None of them were being really real to me. In the end just taking advantages because I loved them so much. But one person that I can say was the meanest of all must be my Ex "H". I mostly talked about him back in 2013.
Somehow I found out some of my conversation with him back in 2014 I think, after he's missing for a year without explanation. OMG that guy was so so so piece of shit you know. Like most of the things he said to me is a B.S. He would be a perfect example of a NATO people. No Action Talk Only.
Some of the "promises" he said to me that never happened:
- He would be coming to Jakarta every month or 2 months to see me (after he's transferred to another country)
- He would come to my brother's wedding and meet my family (back in 2014)
- He would eventually see me in Colorado back in October 2015
- He would skype with me
not to mention he stood me up numerous times during our togetherness in Jakarta. Like he would make a vague appointment with me and by the time we were supposed to meet, he would give so many excuses like he's sick, he needed to go somewhere, he didn't feel like going anymore because of the traffic. OMG. I know, I know, how stupid I was. Even one time he suddenly said he needed to go to England for his friend's wedding (very very last minute) on our "supposedly" dating day?! He sent me his boarding pass and such, but seriously....
And I don't know (until now) what was his problem, really. Is he mentally ill? Like how do you think someone can treat someone else like that? Giving false hope everytime only to break it and disappearing without any explanation. Zero. Of course it was my fault too, to give him that chances. Well, I was a lot younger at that time and I've never met someone "walk the talk" until now. I would show some of my chat with him in 2014 I think, after he disappeared and tried to get back together. Which of course never happens. I don't even know if he is still alive by now. Last time I was in touch with him was probably in October 2015 when he said he was gonna fly and see me here. And... went radio silent. Crazy.
It is actually pretty embarrassing to show all of these again, cause what's the point, this guy just lied all.the.time. But yea, that's pretty much stuffs he said that still gave me false hopes, towards the end. But from those snapshots you can see how stupid I was LOL. Like a giggly girl just swallowing every words he said. Sometimes I think I thought he really was into me because he would shower me with expensive gifts. Perfumes, cellphone (newest iphone at that time), a holiday trip to Bali in a REALLY nice place, etc. Always took me to a nice place for a meal, like fancy hotels for brunches, dinners. NEVER let me pay.
That is probably very very shallow. I know it is very nice to get a gift from someone important to you, but that is ultimately not a guarantee. My BF right now never really showered me with that kind of stuffs, of course. I know his limitation. Yet with his limitation he still did things for me that make me feel like I've been given something so expensive. Oh wait, genuine care and love are indeed expensive :)
Oh well.. lessons learned, everybody!
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