Four more months

and I will be 30. Gosh... Isn't that pretty crazy? LOL.
I'm actually pretty proud of myself to be at this point in my (upcoming) 30. So far I have accomplished:
- 5 years of working experience as a geophysicist (hasn't wasted any fricking time of my life, doing something else)
- Master's degree (in geophysics) from a great school in the US
- Have 1 apartment in Jakarta that is actively being rented (walopun yaaaa... apartment gitu2 ajeee sichh)
- And now I have very secured job with good income in the States, can afford a really comfortable life as well.

Again... I don't expect anyone to read my blog anyways, so, sorry if it sounds very bragging LMAO.
I just write this solely for myself.

Of course as a common people living in this world, there is something I haven't yet accomplished, which is getting married and have kids. But then, it makes me think again, well.... would I still have all of those things I mentioned earlier, if I had kids? Maybe not... I never intentionally avoid having a family, you know. I would probably be married with kids now if any of my past relationships worked out well for me. But then... I think again, maybe God made it failed, so I can achieve all of the things I have at the moment? Right?

 A friend of mine is visiting me in Bako at the moment. Very similar to me, single and mingle, independent and all sort of shits. But she doesn't want to have kids. LOL. That's a rarity. I wish I had that thought so then supposedly I don't have to worry about anything at this moment. And I even now think, do I really want to have kids (eventually), or is it because the society makes me believe that I want to have kids? But then again.... why many people complained about how having kids interfere with their dreams? I have friends that always complain how they miss their lives when they're single, and I believe that. I think, in the end, it's not really black and white, you know. It's not like a winning or losing whenever you choose something between those two, although people always try to do that. But then again, I look at my own family. I am a very very cold daughter in the family, I think. Hahahaha... I mean, I'm really not a lovey dovey daughter and I think I blame my parents for that. I'm never used to that. And now, I try to get as far as possible from home, without ever thinking that I miss my home. Never. Well, I miss the food. That's all. But being away from home is a fucking bliss.

So anyways, looking at my own life, I think, would I want to raise kids with all of those sacrificed money and time, and let them just go very far away from home? With very minimum contact (cos I hate phone calls). For what? To be proud that my kids (supposedly) are successful in their life? What is the point of all of that?

So technically I will sacrifice my dreams, spending most of money and time to raise kids, and then watch them having their own fricking lives. Aren't that pretty nuts? But also not. I dunno. I think when you have kids, you just gotta accept anything no matter what. Cos again, the kids didn't ask you to be born to begin with.