Relationship

I don't know if it's just me, but I think relationship is a really tough lesson. Mungkin SKSnya bisa dipake untuk lulus ujian kehidupan ini dan melamar ke ujian kehidupan lainnya *apeuh*

I know I'm not an expert in this area at all. I mean, I've only been in this for, err, twice. I'm not saying the more u got into it, the more expert you are. Malah mnurut saya kalo"dikit2ganti" itu berarti, "you haven't learned your lesson". That's one of the reason. Reason lainnya, "he/she (who was with you) hasn't learned her/his lesson". Lainnya ya.. "it's just not meant to be".

Why do I say "you haven't learned your lesson"? Cause like I said before, it's tough. Have you ever wondered why things are so much easier when you're with your friend, but it's not when you're with your significant others? Because almost everything, you take it personally. Ga santei. And you have expectations. That's the dangerous part.

I have learned so many theories. Read it, talked about it, understood it. Practice it? That's different story. At least I think I have become much more better person in this. Cause I want to learn my lesson. Why do I have to repeat same things over and over again and don't make any good progress?

Anyway, looking forward to accomplish this tough lesson. Fingers crossed ;p

Emotion

in the words of a broken heart, it's just emotion that's taking me over

Just recently realized that emotion is far more powerful than you can imagine.
I mean, like, nothing can hold you from doing anything based on emotion. True?

Cause emotion doesn't listen to logic, doesn't listen to the fact, doesn't listen to anything. Sometimes you can control it, sometimes you can't.
Depends on how good you can control yourself. And it requires a lot of practice. A LOT.

Cause like someone told me,
"Too much emotion makes you foolish. No emotion makes you like this wall. Nothing inside."

Bucket List

Everyone should have their own bucket list.

You know, the list of things you want to do while u're still alive (don't want to say "before you die", oops, now I said it)

While everyone also think they won't die, at least not today *good thinking. I learned it from Game of Thrones*

So they start to think , "there's still tomorrow". Why such a rush?

You know the quote that sounds a bit like this "live like there's no tomorrow". For me it more fits this way "live your life while you're still young". Yup, that sounds more appropriate. But then again other would say, "so what? why limit yourself with the number?"

Anyway, enough with this wired thought. For me, I have many things in my bucket list. Though I don't really restrict myself to that. I mean, I'm flexible. One day people would say, "let's do this! this is fun! there's no other chances or time to do this later!" then, well, why not?

As long as u're happy. But then, how you can be so sure that u're happy? *endless*

Change

This morning suddenly I thought about this. Change. And I wondered, can people really change?

Misalnya aja saya. Saya terbentuk oleh karakter2 tertentu, sikap, sifat, yang entah sudah genetik atau terbentuk oleh lingkungan. Kalo ngomongin perubahan, tentunya manusia berharap bisa berubah menjadi pribadi yang lebih baik lagi. Emang ada orang yang pengen berubah menjadi makin buruk? Though, yes, it would be much much easier that way.

I read about "you can't change someone. If you can change something, it's no one but yourself"
But guess what? Even to change my(own)self is waaaay tough!

Start from my bad habit. I really enjoy talk about people. There's always a comment I can make bout someone. Mostly I joke bout them with others. Man, I know that's terrible. I wouldn't like if someone does the same thing bout me. Can I change? I can. Would I? Not sure. Cause what? Cause that's what I enjoy doing!

If I stop doing that, that's not me. I don't think its me. I kinda feel like I lose that side of myself. Which is a bad side, but fun (o yea fun, u say?)
At least for me, that's fun.

So now let us think. What's the awful side of you that you'd like to change, but tough?

Keeping journal as part of therapy

Kalo dipikir2, ada bagusnya keeping journal seperti blog, diary, notes, ato apapun itu untuk menuliskan atau mencurahkan apa yang ada di pikiran kita. Tapi kalo buat saya pribadi, saya sudah agak "kapok" membuat tulisan2 itu terlalu "public". Halah, cem betul aja cem banyak yang merhatiin :p

Tapi bener deh, saya juga suka baca-baca lagi tulisan2 lama saya. Walopun saya pernah ngedelete salah 1 blog masa lalu saya yang pahit *duileh

Mungkin mostly perempuan ya, karna pada dasarnya we momen tend to talk, talk and talk. And since too much talk is annoying for some people, perhaps its better if sometimes we just, well, write it out instead.

Anyway, baru2 ini ada teman saya lagi patah hati. Wajar sih, pacarannya udah cukup lama, dan, selama ini dia cenderung agak "took it for granted". Sekarang di saat "pasangannya" sudah agak give up in their relationship, baru deh dia jadi patah hati dan cenderung bertanya2, "how come?" or "what shud I do to make u stay? to make u come back as what u always were?"
Kira-kira gitu.

Singkat cerita, sangking sakitnya hatinya, dia hampir berpikir untuk menyudahi, u know, this life. Perhaps some of u would think, "that's stupid". Well, for me, that is stupid, but I can understand that.
Not so many of us ever experienced broken heart. Have you? No, I'm not talking about you having a crush on someone and one day she/he changed status into "in a relationship" or "married". For me, that is stupid. How can you get broken heart from someone whom u never have?
For me, a broken heart is the experience when you used to have this loving, caring person, was *at that time* part of your life, whom u care about, spent some precious moments with you and indeed letting you know that he/she is there for you, and one day (u might saw it coming or not) turned her/his back on you.

"No. I don't love you anymore"

Man, that is broken heart. Despite any reason behind it. But for me "having third person" will definitely make the wound worse.

How does it feel, literally? It feels like someone stabs your chest over and over again, with an invisible knife. You wonder, "where the heck is the knife? I can't see it but I can surely feel it!"

For how long? No one knows. Time knows.

*ah mellow deh jadinya, xixixi :p

Jealousy

Pertama-tama saya ucapkan terima kasih yang besar kepada Google yang telah exist di masa saya hidup di dunia ini *yea you go Google!
Berkat nya maka saya bisa Googling hal terkini yakni "woman who's confident doesn't get jealous"

Oh ya, jadi setelah saya tilik, saya ini termasuk cewe yang jelesan in a relationship (hayo yang jelesan juga ngacung!).
Let's say,
- saya jeles pas dia ngobrol sama cewe (ato cewe-cewe) lain (pas ada saya, maupun gada saya tp saya liat dari jauh) dan asik gitu ngobrolnya
- saya jeles pas dia ngomongin ssuatu ttg cewe lain yang mengarah pada pujian (entah personality ato physical)
- saya jeles kalo dia makan sama cewe (ato cewe2) lain.
- saya jeles kalo dia weekend maen ke rumah temen cowonya ato spend time sama mereka, apalagi kalo nonton bioskop sama mereka
- saya bahkan jeles waktu dia bilang mo janjian ketemuan (sama temen cowonya) yang mana kadang sampe 2x dalam sehari. Seriously? R u missing him that much?
- oh iya saya jeles kalo dia janjian sama orang kantor pas weekend ( r u that close each other?)
- saya jeles kalo dia becanda2 sama mbak2 di kantor ato di cafe ato dimanapun itu
- saya jeles kalo dia pergi ke suatu acara seneng2 (yang mana saya ngga ikut)
- saya jeles kalo dia message-an entah ma sapa yang saya ga kenal dan isinya kek baek2 gitu. Padahal kalo saya baca, artinya ya dia nunjukin saya, dan artinya gada apa2 yang berarti
- oh iya saya pernah jeles sama tukang pijetnya (yang mana ternyata terbukti tu tukang pijet sebelum resign, ngaku suka ma dia, dia sndiri yang cerita)

arghh

Oh iya, anyway, saya ampir ga pernah nunjukin kalo saya jeles. LOL. Of course lah. Berdasarkan pengalaman, letting em know does not make things better. Malah yang ada kita keliatan not confident enough, insecure, dan control freak! So not cool, girl. Not cool.
Yang mana kalo dia sendiri ke saya: cool abis. Kayaknya sih ga pernah cemburu. Walopun ada 1 expat yang mayan deket ma saya trus suka dia jelek2in ("dia kan tukang mabok, bla3x..."), yang mana saya anggap itu ekspresi jeles. lol. Ge-er sih gue keknya.

Anyway, I asked him one day, "is it OK if I go eat with someone else?">> ini sbnrnya ngetes
Him: Sheila, I'm not a jealous person. Trust is earned, and it's not by being jealous

Hfft! Wish I could think like that!

Oh iya ngomongin soal jeles, padahal saya dulu benciiiiiiii banget sama cewenya temen2 saya yang suka jelesan. Kesannya, "hellooww? Gue kenal dia JAUH sebelum lo kenal dia ya! Dan, please, it's not like I want ur boyfriend or what. Be secure, b**ch, please." Ehhhh taunya sekarang saya jelesann! LOL! Tapi saya ga pernah behave any close to being jealous, kok, di depan cewe2 yang saya jelesin itu tadi. Never.

Tapi kalo dipikir2, emang, being jealous is not worth it. Cause, well, once u cheat, it's the end. So why bother being insecure over nothing?

*ngomong ke diri sendiri

Teman Makan

Di lingkungan kerja saya saat ini, saya udah cukup merasa nyaman dengan "jam makan siang". Nyaman dalam artian, saya bisa memilih, mau makan sama siapa, mau makan/ngga, dan ngga merasa 'terbebani' harus makan ma sapa. *Elah penting bener lo Shel

Eh ya iyalah penting. Dulu-dulu saya sempet agak kurang nyaman sama hal ini, karena kadang kalo udah sama si A tiap hari, jadi ngga enak kalo ngga bareng dia lagi, jadilah lama2 main kucing-kucingan, kabur aja gitu pas makan siang. Ga santai banget yah? Ya itu lah saya, mungkin agak lebay dan anti komitmen soal temen makan, hihi.
Trus saya tuh ngga nyaman kalo makan bareng orang yang ngga biasa BDD alias Bayar Dewe-Dewe. Dulu pernah barengan makan saya tuh ibu-ibu gitu, dan mungkin karna doi gengsi, jadinya suka bayarin. Tapi kan jadinya saya ngga santei yak, kadang saya juga buru-buru bayarin. Tapi itu juga kalo pas makannya di tempat yang biasa aja. Nah doi kadang suka ngajakin ke tempat yang mehel. Kalo dibayarin dia, saya gaenak. Kalo saya yang bayarin, aduh, mahal juga ya. Hahaha...

Kecuali kalo sama si dia. Emang ga pernah mau dibayarin, jadi ya sudahlahya. Saya ngga sungkan lagi sih jadinya. Kekekek.. Kadang emang lenggang kangkung bawa dompet tp gada isinya :p

Kembali lagi soal Teman Makan, sekarang-sekarang ini saya milih teman makan sesuai dengan mood. Sok banget ya? Ada yang mau nemenin aja bagus. Hahaha.. Tapi bener deh. Saya punya temen makan yang saya ajak kalo saya lagi pengen curhat tentang si doi. Ada temen makan yang saya ajak kalo lagi pengen seneng-seneng aja gapake galau. Ada temen makan kalo lagi pengen hemat, ada juga temen makan kalo lagi pengen makan enak alias mahalan dikit.

Seperti sekarang ini, saya lagi berusaha menjauhi temen makan saya yang suka saya curhatin tentang si doi. Bukan gimana-gimana, orangnya agak gloomy juga (jadi kita suka merasa senasib) yang manaaa... setelah saya pikir2, it's about the worst thing you can do when you're in that condition/state! LOL. Yang ada jadinya saya makiiin galau aja. Jadi sekarang saya lagi mau makan sama temen-temen ceria saya, ngomongin hal lain, ketawa ketiwi, dan lain sebagainya. Afterall, jam makan siang itu satu-satunya waktu terbaik dalam seharian kerja di kantor, kan? Jadi pilihlah teman makanmu sebijak mungkin ;) *halaaah