Self respect

I deleted every photos, emails from him. And today I found out in my folder, I still had my conversation history with him on my Microsoft Lync.

I read that through.

I found something.

Man.. Did I have any respect to my ownself? LOL. Every topic we talked about was about him and him and him. What a selfish b*stard. :p
Clearly nothing about me that he found interesting to discuss. What did I really think at that time?
I thought, well he was the one who has so many problems. Messed up. While I was okay. So I should be more thoughtful. Be a perfect gf. It's not about me. It's about him. ETC... ETC...

I was dumb, and blind, clearly. I never gave any respect to my ownself. How did I expect someone's respect towards me if I didn't even respect myself?

Recently I chatted a lot with my "new guy". LOL. So far everything's going well. Yea of course, it's new. I'm still a bit pessimistic. But well.. we should do what make us happy :) And if that (old) one doesn't make me happy, there are still others who are willingly to do so :)

Hopeless Romantic

I think that's the most suitable nickname for me :p

Most of my friends would know that Sheila falls in love every 3 hours. LOL. Get attached too soon. Too excited, blabla..

Well but that's me. Can't help it :p

Just recently met a guy.

I dunno where's this going. Just one word for now. Excited xp

Been Quite a While...

I haven't posted anything on this blog. Well I guess I have been too sad to write anything and will somehow read again the old posts.
For anyone who's curious bout the update (are u? lol), it's not good. To summarize it, the worst case I expected, it happened. And I also think I've been a really naive person the whole time. It was easy for me to trust someone based on what they said. Is it wrong to put a trust on someone?
But yea I think I've been fooled. And the worst thing I don't even get any explanation. I can only assume. And I waited. Still nothing.

But I learn so much from this. I learn that it's not that bad. Honestly, even sometimes I keep asking myself how can people do such thing to me (even I never treated em bad, at all), I'm grateful. I realize I haven't seen enough from this world. I met many new people, I know many new people. And it was EXACTLY right after I was turned down by that one. And that also made me realize, He always has a plan for me. It's a whole journey I have to take. It's a sequence. I have to take every steps to get to the last stage.

Other thing that I learned, I'm so rich. Not money wise, but I start to evaluate things again. I have a job. I have friends. I have my family. Then why I worry so much about some small part of my life that wasn't satisfying? I start to appreciate the other things I have. I love them.

Of course I haven't moved on yet. But I've been through similar thing (and worse). And I know I will pass it.

:)

Semangat!

New is Always Better

Kinda remember one of the quote by Barney Stinson on HIMYM

"New is always better"

Though it's silly and not 100% true, I think it makes sense.

And why it is better is not always because that person is better (well sometimes they are), but because of the moment.

Do u realize that in every relationship, the best moment was the PDKT moment? Of course. When the relationship has died, all you need to do is find something new.

Well.. It works so far

Fool

I think I have been a fool all this time and now it is enough.

People say "Just move on".

I did.

Life is too short to waste on someone.

Happiness

Something bothered me lately bout this topic. I think, sometimes people would define happiness (that they think of) for others. Do u get my point here? Sometimes people would feel sorry about others who did not do, or achieve, or experience the same things as theirs. And sometimes I wonder, who can really define my happiness if not myself?

Some people would think an achievement of happiness is when they are settle. Have job, have someone they are engaged to- particularly someone who's settle also. Have kids. Have house, or houses. Have their own business, so on, so on.

Some would think that is pathetic. Especially in young age. "Who would want a settle life in that early stage of life?", they said. "you haven't seen enough of this world and u already settled in?"

Doesn't that confuse you? So, am I happy now? Some would think my life is fantastic. Some would think, nah, it's not enough. You're being too safe. Some would say, you have a perfect life-but... u miss something WE THINK you need to have. And so on, and so on.

Honestly, I'm so jealous of people who can really define their own happiness without letting em affected by others' opinion. I would love to tell those people WHO THINK they know better what is good for me: Fck off and live your own pathetic life. Don't get me wrong, I'm not angry with anyone right now. I'm just, confused.

So then now I start listing my own "happy-list". What truly makes me happy?
- I'm happy when I travel and see new things
- I'm happy when my boss think I did a great job and hand me even more serious tasks to do
- I'm happy when I get my spa package
- I'm happy when I get to shop cute things
- I'm happy when I spend time with my lovely guy
- I'm happy when I eat something really good
- I'm happy when I get to watch new movies and it's awesome
- I'm happy when I see myself in a mirror and think "I'm not that bad afterall"
- I'm even happy enough when I only sit on my couch and watch serial. At least that what makes me comfortable
- I'm happy when I meet my old friends and trade funny stories
- I'm happy when I get my salary paid

and so on

I must admit sometimes I'm happy bout something because people defined it as some achievements. Oh how I wish I did not live in this such judgmental community, how I could truly define my own happiness..

Cause in the end of the day, would they care? They talk, even when they do not care..

LDR (part 4)

Buat yang pada penasaran kelanjutan cerita LDR inih... *pede tinggi*

Actually it is exactly like what I predicted it to be. One word. Sucks.

Wkwkwk... And it's even worse cause I deal with a guy who goes to his cave A LOT. Diitung2 udah sebulanan nih LDR. Arguing-nya (bukan berantem kata saya mah, kata dia juga bukan) udah total 3x.

 My patience has been tested whole time! Tapi kok yah, masi demen aja yah? Wkwkwk...

I'm trying to stay positive whole time. It takes a lot of work. But well, maybe this is the true test afterall?

Aminkan saja. Kalo jodoh kan ga kemana ya? :">