LDR (part 1)

udah mayan lama juga ya saya ngga ngebacot disinih. Hihi... Sering sih kepikiran mo nulis apa gitu, tp pas keinget, lagi d rumah dan ga enak deh ngeblog pake hp itu. Jadi lupa smua deh yang mo ditulis.

Anyway busway, si abah (sebut saja demikian, berhubung umurnya jauh wkwk) udah mau pindah tugas ke Kuwait. Yes. Kuwait. Deket bgt yah? :) *sarcasm detected

Sebenernya sih dari usia 2 minggu kita kenal, dia udah ngasi tau soal kepergiannya ini. Dan dia juga baru tau saat itu juga. Tentunya dan pastinya saya siyok donk ya. WHAT?! trus maksud lo, deketin gue, apa??

Ngga deng, itu dalem ati aja. Aslinya saya cuma bilang, "hah? So what happen to this? I won't see u anymore then?"
Jadi sebenernya ketika dia ngasi tau ke saya (which is around Oktober awal), itu rencananya dia bakal hengkang Desember ato Januari gitu. Trus dia cuma jawab, "well let's see how things going between now until the end of this year. If it's something serious, then, ... But we can meet in between. Maybe Spore.. bla3x"

Eh kok ya keterusan aja abah ngga brangkat2 ampe bulan ini. Yang mana kalo diitung2 kita ngedate udah, mm.. 9 (sembilan) bulanan loh. *applause by me for me*

By the time saya nulis ini, dia brangkatnya minggu depan. *nangis bombay*

I hate LDR.
Of course.
Who doesn't?

And honestly, I'm not so sure it will work out.

Things always get messy once he's away. Saya jadi needy.. Dia jadi diem. Dan slalu jadi baek lagi pas ketemu. Itu cuma kalo ditinggal seminggu dua minggu pas dines kluar negri. Gimana kalo berbulan-bulan? *sigh

Orang biasanya jadi komentar, "lo ngga dibawa ikutan aja kesana Shel?"

Menurut L?

Gw sih mau aja sebenernya, LOL

But again, it's just 9 months. If it's still going on until 2 years, that is when I'll give more pat on my own shoulder. LDR is not for everyone, afterall.

Private vs Public

Pas baru liat judulnya saya langsung mikir, "ni orang yang baca mikirnya gue bakal ngomongin skolah kali ya?"
Nope, no it's not.
Sebenernya saya lagi mo ngomongin tipe orang.

Menurut saya, saya ini orangnya cukup public. Sangat public? Hmm ngga juga sih. Cukup aja kali ya. Saya ini cukup ember mengenai diri saya sendiri. Walaupun stelah tengok kanan kiri, banyak kok yang lebih public lagi dari saya huehehe. Untungnya public menurut saya adalah, ya , saya sering lah ya curhat ke orang. Curcol apalagi. Gampang banget deh pokoknya dikorek2 soal pribadi. Tapi saya brusaha ga ampe norak yang curcol di status BB ato wasap gitu lah ya. Apalagi status communicator di kantor wkakakak..

Yah saya palingan curhat ya face to face, ato di blog ini, ato di Path. Udah. Itu doank kok. Ga banyak.
(Yea u're right)

Anyway, si doinya gue itu malah kebalikan. Orangnya private banget (katanya sih). Katanya, ada bbrp hal yang menurut dia itu bukan urusan orang lain. Ya iya sih bener juga. Kayaknya rata2 cowo gitu sih. Coba liat di social media misalnya, biasanya yang agak hebohan dikit tu cewe, kalo cowo rata2 biasa aja. At least itu cowo yang menurut saya beneran cowo loh yaa.. Jadi walopun saya kadang suka mikir, "knapa sih cowo gue private bgt orangnya. Com2 ga aktif, socmed ga punya. Adanya whatsapp doank". Itu juga ampir gda foto sampe akhirnya gambar iMadeFace yang gue bikin, dipajang jadi potonye. Untung mirip. Wkwkw..
Tapiii in the end of the day, I would not be attracted by some guy who is as public as me. Yang dikit2 curhat, suka gosip, dikit2 update status ato apalah di socmed. Who will make me wonder, "lo, laki kan?" #osh #tajem.

Jadii... tibalah saya pada konklusi bahwa wajarlah ya kita sebagai cewe tends to be more public. Okay, sounds more like an excuse, ato pembelaan diri. Tapiii lagi, saya selalu impressed by cewe yang agak kek cowo gitu loh. More private. Kesannya, cool dan controlled gitu. I triiiedd to be one, but I think I'm not that good :p
Salah satu temen saya juga crita soal dirinya yang cukup private, misal pas dia jadian sama cowonya (now her husband). Kata dia, "mnurut aku Shel, aku mo jadian sama sapa juga, toh gue ma lo masi temenan dan gda yang brubah. Jadi ngga perlulah gue crita2. Toh kalo lo gue anggap temen gue dan ada hal yang penting, pasti gue kasi tau".

Cool ye?

But again. Ya udahlah ya. We are what we are. Don't try to be something/someone u're not. I guess. Seenggaknya brusaha ngga lebay aja :p

Ciao!

Relationship

I don't know if it's just me, but I think relationship is a really tough lesson. Mungkin SKSnya bisa dipake untuk lulus ujian kehidupan ini dan melamar ke ujian kehidupan lainnya *apeuh*

I know I'm not an expert in this area at all. I mean, I've only been in this for, err, twice. I'm not saying the more u got into it, the more expert you are. Malah mnurut saya kalo"dikit2ganti" itu berarti, "you haven't learned your lesson". That's one of the reason. Reason lainnya, "he/she (who was with you) hasn't learned her/his lesson". Lainnya ya.. "it's just not meant to be".

Why do I say "you haven't learned your lesson"? Cause like I said before, it's tough. Have you ever wondered why things are so much easier when you're with your friend, but it's not when you're with your significant others? Because almost everything, you take it personally. Ga santei. And you have expectations. That's the dangerous part.

I have learned so many theories. Read it, talked about it, understood it. Practice it? That's different story. At least I think I have become much more better person in this. Cause I want to learn my lesson. Why do I have to repeat same things over and over again and don't make any good progress?

Anyway, looking forward to accomplish this tough lesson. Fingers crossed ;p

Emotion

in the words of a broken heart, it's just emotion that's taking me over

Just recently realized that emotion is far more powerful than you can imagine.
I mean, like, nothing can hold you from doing anything based on emotion. True?

Cause emotion doesn't listen to logic, doesn't listen to the fact, doesn't listen to anything. Sometimes you can control it, sometimes you can't.
Depends on how good you can control yourself. And it requires a lot of practice. A LOT.

Cause like someone told me,
"Too much emotion makes you foolish. No emotion makes you like this wall. Nothing inside."

Bucket List

Everyone should have their own bucket list.

You know, the list of things you want to do while u're still alive (don't want to say "before you die", oops, now I said it)

While everyone also think they won't die, at least not today *good thinking. I learned it from Game of Thrones*

So they start to think , "there's still tomorrow". Why such a rush?

You know the quote that sounds a bit like this "live like there's no tomorrow". For me it more fits this way "live your life while you're still young". Yup, that sounds more appropriate. But then again other would say, "so what? why limit yourself with the number?"

Anyway, enough with this wired thought. For me, I have many things in my bucket list. Though I don't really restrict myself to that. I mean, I'm flexible. One day people would say, "let's do this! this is fun! there's no other chances or time to do this later!" then, well, why not?

As long as u're happy. But then, how you can be so sure that u're happy? *endless*

Change

This morning suddenly I thought about this. Change. And I wondered, can people really change?

Misalnya aja saya. Saya terbentuk oleh karakter2 tertentu, sikap, sifat, yang entah sudah genetik atau terbentuk oleh lingkungan. Kalo ngomongin perubahan, tentunya manusia berharap bisa berubah menjadi pribadi yang lebih baik lagi. Emang ada orang yang pengen berubah menjadi makin buruk? Though, yes, it would be much much easier that way.

I read about "you can't change someone. If you can change something, it's no one but yourself"
But guess what? Even to change my(own)self is waaaay tough!

Start from my bad habit. I really enjoy talk about people. There's always a comment I can make bout someone. Mostly I joke bout them with others. Man, I know that's terrible. I wouldn't like if someone does the same thing bout me. Can I change? I can. Would I? Not sure. Cause what? Cause that's what I enjoy doing!

If I stop doing that, that's not me. I don't think its me. I kinda feel like I lose that side of myself. Which is a bad side, but fun (o yea fun, u say?)
At least for me, that's fun.

So now let us think. What's the awful side of you that you'd like to change, but tough?

Keeping journal as part of therapy

Kalo dipikir2, ada bagusnya keeping journal seperti blog, diary, notes, ato apapun itu untuk menuliskan atau mencurahkan apa yang ada di pikiran kita. Tapi kalo buat saya pribadi, saya sudah agak "kapok" membuat tulisan2 itu terlalu "public". Halah, cem betul aja cem banyak yang merhatiin :p

Tapi bener deh, saya juga suka baca-baca lagi tulisan2 lama saya. Walopun saya pernah ngedelete salah 1 blog masa lalu saya yang pahit *duileh

Mungkin mostly perempuan ya, karna pada dasarnya we momen tend to talk, talk and talk. And since too much talk is annoying for some people, perhaps its better if sometimes we just, well, write it out instead.

Anyway, baru2 ini ada teman saya lagi patah hati. Wajar sih, pacarannya udah cukup lama, dan, selama ini dia cenderung agak "took it for granted". Sekarang di saat "pasangannya" sudah agak give up in their relationship, baru deh dia jadi patah hati dan cenderung bertanya2, "how come?" or "what shud I do to make u stay? to make u come back as what u always were?"
Kira-kira gitu.

Singkat cerita, sangking sakitnya hatinya, dia hampir berpikir untuk menyudahi, u know, this life. Perhaps some of u would think, "that's stupid". Well, for me, that is stupid, but I can understand that.
Not so many of us ever experienced broken heart. Have you? No, I'm not talking about you having a crush on someone and one day she/he changed status into "in a relationship" or "married". For me, that is stupid. How can you get broken heart from someone whom u never have?
For me, a broken heart is the experience when you used to have this loving, caring person, was *at that time* part of your life, whom u care about, spent some precious moments with you and indeed letting you know that he/she is there for you, and one day (u might saw it coming or not) turned her/his back on you.

"No. I don't love you anymore"

Man, that is broken heart. Despite any reason behind it. But for me "having third person" will definitely make the wound worse.

How does it feel, literally? It feels like someone stabs your chest over and over again, with an invisible knife. You wonder, "where the heck is the knife? I can't see it but I can surely feel it!"

For how long? No one knows. Time knows.

*ah mellow deh jadinya, xixixi :p