That call...

My phone rang yesterday afternoon,
"No Caller ID"
I was like, who the hell is this?

And there I heard the voice
The familiar voice I'd never heard since last year.. Exactly one year..

I was too afraid to guess
I kept asking
"who is this? who is this? I can't hear you clearly.."
Yet deepdown I was too scared if somehow the phonecall might ended

"it's me.." he said

He wished me happy birthday,

"You must think I forgot your birthday, don't you?
"I just try to minimize my expectation"

He sounded so apologetic.. Sometimes it was just silence.. Keep repeating "I don't expect you to just forget all about it in one night..but I do owe you explanation"

All this time waiting to hear from him, all I really wanted was to punch him on the face. But one single sentence and it all disappeared.

I said, "there's so many things I wanted to talk to you about.. but maybe when I see you.."

The 13-min phone call ended..

Last words were, "take care.."

He texted me saying,
"it was good to hear your voice. I hope you forgive me"

.......

Of course I forgive you. But to put so much trust (again), I won't be too sure..

Remind me how awesome this Birthday was

No big celebration,
No party,
No surprise or whatsoever,
but I'm truly deeply happy inside.
That's enough to call this year birthday as one of the best one.

I came up with an idea to celebrate my birthday by taking my diving license in Bali. I was looking for a friend to go with and finally found my bestfriend since junior high school to come with me. I still consider myself lucky up to this point cause I can still find people to accompany my trip ideas even though everyone has their own schedule, preference, etc, etc.

Anyways, I feel happy and content this time of my life cause for a rare occasion, now I barely have any expectations, yet I got some satisfying moments. Let's say all my loved ones whom I care about, they all wish me all the best wishes. I repeat, the one I care about ;)
I spent these days with people I enjoy to be with and some of them are really really nice. I (again) feel blessed for that.
I did what I wanted to do instead of waiting for someone to do things I expected them to do.

And today, first day I go back to the office, I received messages from old lovers. Wished me the great birthday. Again, it was NOT expected at all. And why now?! I mean, isn't that wonderful? You got nice things when you didn't expect it at all.

That's happiness :)

Anyways, happy 26th birthday to me.. Can't believe I'm 26 already. Still fresh in my mind when mIRC was still IN, I always open the conversation with this line:

i_am_funny : asl pls
i_am_funny : 13 f mlg. u?

LOL yea, the nickname is so labil I can't stand it now :p

can you believe right now I'm 13 years older than that? (twice that age)

I can't...

:)

Trips

July 25-29, Bali
August 6-8, KL
September 1-5, Belitung
October 13-16, Solo
October 27-31, Lombok

How can't I be more excited? x)

The Best Advice

I said it many times before, that usually we are the expert when it comes to giving advices to our friends' problem.
When it comes to your own problem, it feels like electing a president. You ask everybody about their opinions, though in the end it wouldn't matter, since you would still do what you wanted to do anyway :p

Anyways, now that I did so many mistakes, I tried to learn, tho I learned it the hard way. One thing I learned is that I should listen to my own advice. It is hard, cause in my own head I would (in the end) validate anything I "feel" right to do. Which usually is not the right thing, cause it is just my emotion talking.

I try, to separate my logic from my feelings, and come out with my own advice to myself.

And by that purpose, now I will write the advice to my self:

- Letting go. It doesn't necessarily show that you're giving up, but you're strong enough to handle the truth
- You worth much more than "that"
- Don't stress out, take a deep breath and relax. It is just a life, afterall
- Enjoy your own life and don't depend your moods on something so tiny
- Don't really believe what people say, cause you are the one living your life, not them
- When u already gave 100+5% and it still fails, it's not your fault. Fault is when you don't know when to stop trying
- When it is bad, it's still not the ending :)


Smangat!

When Reality Punch You in The Face

I just posted something that I found from another article on website.

Basically saying that

Happiness = Reality - Expectations.

In other words, the more you expect something to happen which usually is something you want the most, the more you are going to be extremely disappointed when it's not happening. Well, it happens to me A LOT.
And I seem to not learning anything all this time.

Anyways, in other way, when you expect nothing, or expect the worst to happen, most likely you will deal with the reality much much better. Some of my friends are this kind of people. They don't hallucinate, they learn from their mistakes or even better, other's mistakes, so they won't be hurt too much in the end.

Someone who I thought was dead already, suddenly appeared on the surface. He said "I owe you an explanation".
I say it out loud inside my head "CRAP!" now I have more expectations about it. Some of my very very good friends who care about me and understand how reality does suck most of the times, told me, "you will get hurt. Just move on"

I guess I'm just that "kepala batu" and dumb on this kind of situation.

Oh well.. who knows what the future will be. I can't give any more comments about this

The most hurtful feeling

is when you think you have something, only to realize it slipped away from you, completely. You lose it.

You were very close, it felt real.

One day you think, did that even happen? Was I dreaming?

And you wish, you really wish, it was just a dream.

But it wasn't.

That's what makes it even more hurtful.

And you start to blame the One who allowing all of this happen in your life.

"Why you even allowed me to take a sip of it before? To know it? To be happy about it? If in the end you will allow it to go away from me? Is this some kind of joke? A troll? Because it is not funny at all, it is turning me into someone totally different from before. The broken version of me"

Sifat Dasar Manusia

1. Ga puas
Selalu ngeliat ke atas, ngeliat ke samping, ngeliat ke rumput tetangga, kok lebih rapi ya motongnya, lebih lebat ya, ga gundul2, ijo lagi

2. Pengen yang dia ga bisa dapetin
Makin ga mungkin, makin susah, makin dah doi pengen, biar dikate dilarang semua oknum masyarakat, makiin semangaattt

3. Pengen yang dipengenin orang
Masi nyambung ama 2 di atas sih. Mmm.. lo suka barang itu? Lo suka cewe itu? OK gw bakal dapetin itu semua, buet GUEH

4. Kalo lo yang buat/ngelakuin, gaboleh. Kalo gue, gapapah
Kesel disakitin, nyumpahin. Berdoa di lubuk hati yg paling dalem, tu orang pasti bakal dapet karmanya. Gue yakin, tenang ajah. Tapi giliran gue yang nyakitin orang, gue yang imoral, mm... gue juga manusia kan ya? Tuhan bakal ngerti kok.
Nasehatin temen gara-gara dia mo ngelakuin hal bodoh. Kadang ga abis pikir, kok ya temen gue segitu begonya ya? Gue aja yang ngeliat udah tau jelas gitu, musti ngapain. Hadeuh. Giliran gue? Hah! Mo dinasehatin dr A-Z, tetepppp aja dilakuiiinn... Mulai dari dinasehatin orang, ampe nasehatin diri sendiri, gak mempan!

Gw ga ngerti lagi ama manusia, maunya apa sih :\

*trus lo apaan shel?