Why do I prefer living in the States

Recently I got asked this question by some people. I've never really listed the answers, I only knew I didn't want to go back to Indonesia unless no options at all for me. So now I will try to list it.

1. No one is too nosy about your life. You want to be gay, having kids without marriage, not married without kids, etc you name it. It will be much less judgmental community compared to Indonesia. Not that I want to be doing all less-morality things, but life is hard already without people thinking their opinions are needed in somebody else's life. We will all die eventually. Why don't you mind your own business?

2. Less dumb people. I know this sounds harsh, but true. Well, we know anyway that Indonesia is a developing country, while US is already developed. It feels like the US people understand everything a lot better. Common sense, etc. I'm struggling to deal with dummies, I'm impatient like that. I can't handle looking at people that can't wait in line (antri), can't handle people spending hours inside an ATM (dude, ATM is mainly for withdrawal, everything else you should do it online or at the bank!), can't handle people standing very close to the baggage carousel (seriously, what's the point), and many more! I know it is wise to educate others, but I just give up.

3. People got valued based on their merits. I already realized this when I was still in Jakarta and employed by American company. My bosses are typically open to value my work, etc. They also don't feel superior to anyone under them (another opposite thing to Indonesian bosses typically). But now when I live in the US, I feel that even more. When you're good, you will be successful. Generally nobody will consider your family background (politics) or your religions, gender, etc.

4. People are walking towards equality. The struggle I have when dating an Indonesian, is that they usually think that women are lower than men. OK maybe not all. But that's is the common thing. Which leads to them feeling intimidated when a girl is successful. For me that is dumb, and once again, I can't handle that. Meanwhile in the US, people can be anything they want. You want to be successful? Work hard and earn it. You're a woman? Good for you!

5. I feel more capable and independent. I know it is a lot of hassle that most people can't afford a helper here. Heck I would choose to have a helper any time! But also I feel that a lot of things here have taught me to be a lot more self-independent. I learned how to do things by myself, when it is needed.

6. Obvious things: more secured community, less polution and no traffic! This doesn't really require too detailed explanations, but I'll give example. I forgot my wallet 3 times (one in a supermarket, overnight, one in a public restroom, one in a restaurant) and I forgot my cellphone at a restaurant once. They always keep it for me. In Indonesia? You can only dream!

It doesn't mean that it is far perfect than Indonesia, of course. There are some small things that I like better in Indo. But it would surely be hard for me to miss those 6 things above if I had to come back.

People are weird

Last time I had this conversation with my roommate (yes, the one I hated. Surprise!) and another friend while we were hanging out in our apartment chugging beers. We were just talking shit about people in general, LOL yes we are that shallow, and the other friend said "I don't know man. People are weird."

Now I think about it and actually those words also would come out of my mind many times. Why are people weird? And "weird" itself means that it is unusual, uncommon, strange, odd. So if people are weird, or weirdos, then why are many weirdos in the world?

Frankly, if I think about my roommate as weird. I think she is weird because there will be times when she didn't talk to me AT ALL. Like she was pissed or something. She also will sometimes play her songs very loudly. Like, girl, we don't want to listen to your playlist. 

What about me? I think many people actually think that I'm weird too sometimes. Because:

1. I am protective of myself, if I think some people don't really enjoy being my friends or hanging out with me, I'll just be quiet. Not giving any efforts on the friendship

2. I am a snob. When a friend is trying to hard to be friend with me (usually guys), I'll be somewhat closed off and ignored them most times. Cos they became annoying, and I found them, guess what... weird!

3. I am two-faced. Frankly, I hate most people in the world. Not like huge hatred or something. I am just annoyed by most people. People are annoying. When people are annoyed by me, I'm glad and I'll try to be more annoying to annoy them more. But also I can't be direct. So I will always show them my "nice" side.

I dunno. I guess, people are people. We are all somewhat weird. And we annoy each other.

A little bit less than 3 weeks..

until the end of the internship. Mixed feelings. Glad a little bit that I will get to escape from this hell city (Bako) LOL. Super hottttt.... And secondly, glad that I will get to leave my current roommate. Dude, this girl, really. She's not overly terrible, but I'm just not totally comfy with her.
1. She barely talks to me. I don't think she is interested to engage with me
2. She never has intention to share food with me (so I do the same)
3. She said she's so clean (when I told her that I'm pretty messy), yet I ALWAYS wash my dishes right away and she would let it in the sink for days! Craziness.
4. I just don't think I like her, period. I'm just being nice most times, making small talk.

Anyway a little bit about my 29th birthday which I thought would be miserable, turned out to be pretty great! It was so great that I don't think next year will beat the awesomeness.
Firstly my (ex) BF sent me flowers to my office, which was sooooooooo surprising. Like, he really is not the type of guy that will go over board (as far as I know). Or maybe I didn't know him that well, LOL. But how he even knew my office address???? If you google the company I'm working at the moment, you will find 1 main office's address (different building and address to mine). And in addition to that, there are probably 4 more other buildings within the company. Yet he sent it exactly to my office building!
It was so funny, my mentor (which was out of the state at that time) messaged me on the company messenger,
"hey there's flower for you at the lobby. It's not your bday is it"
"yes it is. Really? How do you know? I thought you're not at the office"
"I am not. I was just logging in remotely and one of the IT girls messaged me".

LOL so I went downstairs to the lobby and found the flower delivery woman. I was really thinking, "aww who is among my intern friends that is so nice to send this flower" >> cos who else would know my office address??
and when I had to sign the receipt, it says there, his name :)

I was shocked and just overwhelmingly happy. Sweetest baby ever.

Anyway. That already made me happy, and then my intern friends actually came to have a dinner & drink with me. We had nice time, they asked for the waiter if they have special cake for birthday girl (me) and they came singing happy birthday (with a really great lava cake). My friend also treated me for my dinner and drinks (3 glasses of moscow mule, lol). Which was so weird to me, considering in Indonesia if you have bday, you gotta treat all your friends. It is basically the opposite here (which made me anxious if nobody would show up). Long story short (sorry I'm writing this while being pretty sleepy already, hence the less elaborated sentences), I HAD A GREAT TIME.

Thanks God for this age!
Thanks for the money I eventually earned this summer.
Thanks for the best lover ever (who made me cry a river a lot of times too, but still the sweetest ever).
Thanks for great summer time with new great friends (excluding my roommate, every other people are really close to awesome).

I don't know what's next, just hope for the BEST! AMEN!

So we met again

everything was suddenly perfect again, like nothing ever happened. And in the middle of those excitement, I cried.

"Sorry, I'm just missing you.."

He was again so sweet to me, like he has always been. He asked me at one point, "baby, what is it about me (that makes you love me so much)?"
Me: "I don't know...."

Breathe Again...

This post might sound like a bragging, but well... nobody is really expected to read this anyway. LOL.
You know sometimes I realize people think that I brag a lot about my life, but the truth is, so many things I tried not to brag about. Compare to some friends that I know, I am very sure if they were me, they would BRAG LIKE CRAAZEEEHH... So yea, actually whatever I posted, it has been kept as down-to-earth as possible. LOL.

I just think that when you are down, nobody really gives a fuck about your sad life. I mean, they do give a fuck, but like a "laughing fuck", you know? People like to listen to other people complaints about their life, not because they care about making you feel better, but because they like to know that nobody is truly happy in this life.

Long story short, I just finally can breathe again after 2 years of poverty. If you follow my blog then you'd know that I don't always brag about how lucky I am, but there are some down times when I barely had money at all and pretty struggling with my life here. To be honest, I still am not completely HAPPY being here, remembering there is almost no good friends around me that I can rely on. Oh well, I do have a good friend here, but she is married with a kid, so it's not totally the same as having a best friend that have the same kind of life as you (single and mingle). But, better than not at all obviously! But then now I am at Bakersfield, all by myseeelllfff...... (Nyanyik). I have a roommate that I thought would be a perfect companion during my Summer here, because she is a geologist (close enough) and she is a Catholic too, so we kinda have the same ideology. LOL. Not like we talk about that at all, though. We don't. We just go to church together, that's it. Sometimes during the weekdays we don't talk at all. Just say HI in the morning and GOOD NIGHT and BYE. Hahaha... pretty awkward, but whatever.

Other than that, I sometimes feel pretty lonely, remembering that I have some good friends back in Jakarta that I can always depend on whenever I want to watch movie with, drink with, shopping with, eating with, or anything, really.

Oh back to coming back from poverty. I know life will not always be this easy, but currently I'm happy I can do whatever I want to do. Crave for some food? Just go and eat at that place. Want to get my nails done at the salon? I can. Want to drink with some friends? (other interns) I can. Want to shop for clothes/shoes? I can. TWO fricking years I was sooooo out of money that I really couldn't get anything I wanted. Oh well, pretty traumatizing! I still don't know though if money is really all the answer, cause I was still happy at that time, cause I had my BF *aww*.

Well, talking about him, I'm going to see him in 2 weeks. I know. Either stupid, or stupid. That's me. He is pretty much my source of happiness and consolation, though.

Pelit

I think naturally I'm a cheapo. I'm pretty generous for myself, but pretty cheap for someone else. I know, I know, that's not very good of me. Oh well actually I'm pretty generous for my boyfriend as well. So yea.. depends I guess.

Recently I've been spending a lot of money especially for my car. The main reason is because I'm trying to be very careful to drive my car for 1K miles from CO to CA. Of course I don't want anything bad happens during my trip, especially because this will be my very first time driving that far BY MYSELF! Pretty daunting yet exciting. Anyway, I spent money for my windshield ($250), additional tire ($130), oil change ($30) and now new battery!! ($130). Aw man....

I also try to convince myself, always, that it is better to be safe than sorry. Very true! Sometimes we try to be very cheap and something happen that requires us to spend even more! Similar thing happened to my ex-bf, his car just broke down and got towed, couldn't get fixed so he needed to just buy brand new. All because his car was already a junk yet he tried to prolong the usage. Anyway.... That's my story!

Wondering about life

I wonder why life is so full of sadness and disappointment. Unfairness. You name it. I wish I was a more positive person in living my life. Full of joy. Dish out every little thing and looking forward for a brighter future. My feelings have been up and down very quickly lately. Of course most of it is caused by my love life. A total disappointment. One minute I feel so motivated and think about it as a little thing that is not supposedly bother me, but the other minute I could feel so down and teared myself. I wonder if it is an anger or sadness. Can't really tell. I think it is a lot of disappointment. Expectation that has been tackled down. I realized it is not only me that encountered this kind of problems in life. To be fair, in general my life has been easy. So, I shouldn't complain too much. What bugging my mind is, why we kept on facing this kind of disappointment? And even more, why we disappoint ourselves? One thing I also realize lately is that I expect something from someone and they can't fulfill it. That leads to disappointment. But on the other hand, I also cannot fulfill what is expected from me. No matter how hard I tried, it is just me, a person that is not compatible to him.

Gosh I really need to move on from this bullshit.