My poor life

The first 2 years I was here, I was always wondering why I can't gain weight. I felt like I ate enough. Now? I can't even lose 2 kgs! LOL.
Now I know why. Basically last 2 years I was in a very poor life. Not kidding.
1. I could barely eat out. I will really really think 1000 times before deciding to eat out with my friends. Even one time I got so hurt when my friend was asking why did I care if I spent money on eating out. I was like, "helloo?? I don't have money, chicca. Which part did you not get from that?" I had it in my mind, of course.
2. I could barely spend money on filling my gas. Everytime I wanna drive somewhere far, I thought about how my gas will run out fast and I wouldn't be able to buy it again.
3. I could barely shop on anything. Literally. One time I really really wanted to buy a sweater that costs $15. I couldn't buy it. Sad, huh?
4. I bought the cheapest skin product. And my face skin was horrible. I feel bad about it, now I really spoil my face!!!
5. I couldn't afford a parking permit at school, so I had to park somewhere far away from the building and had to move my car every 2 hours (the max hours). Maybe that's why I was skinny as well!

Now that I can afford most things, I just cannot lose weight at all. Hahahahahaha... Crazy! Always take and give, huh? You gain some and lose some. But I'm just glad I am not struggling anymore. It's always frustrating, especially when you cannot eat what you want because you don't have money. That's the saddest part, for me. I will never forget it!

Poligami

Akhir2 ini sering baca artikel tentang ibu2 yang menentang poligami. It is not really related to me (not in my religion) so I can't really comment on the basis of it, obviously.
But I'm very intrigued to make a comment as a common human being. Now, being committed to one person or more is something else. I know people that are like that. Or actually, there are a lot of people like that in the world. Heck my bf is very into open relationship (loving more than one person).

The issue with polygamy, though, in my opinion, is... why the heck you (man) can be with more than one person, while your wife/partner can only be with you? How in the world does that sound fair at all?

Now in all fairness, maybe, maybe... again this is just my personal opinion which may be right or wrong, maybe it is slightly fine if this guy is the source of everything. Like financially, etc, etc. So, there is no options, really. Unless the wife wants to start taking over and find the financial source as well, or maybe juts opt for divorce or whatever. But, if the wife, can also work by herself and feed the family just as much as the husband, wouldn't it be fair if both can be with anybody else?

My point is, don't be a jackass. If you are OK with however you are treating others, then theoretically you should accept being treated the same way!

Reminiscing

Today suddenly I was reminiscing the feelings before I came here in the U.S.  I was never living somewhere totally stranger to me. Well, maybe the very first time was when I moved to Bandung from Malang. But even that, I still had some people I knew already (some friends from Malang also moved to Bandung, although I was not that close to them). Anyways.... That was different. Still pretty challenging, but nothing like me moving to the U.S.

Imagine you moved to a country very far from your home. Nobody there you knew before. You didn't know the law, regulations, cultures, etc etc. And then nobody are responsible for you. Meaning, all the income/spending totally on you. Nope, my parents did not help me financially at all. Which makes sense. I already worked before that anyway. Butttt... I quit working, no more income like that. Yes I had scholarship, but that scholarship was just enough. Really really tight spending on anything. I remember I couldn't really eat out without thinking how much money left I had in my bank account. I didn't have savings. That money I used to have, there would be no way I could ever spend on anything extra. Well, sometimes I still traveled to Austin to my BF, but we can't really spend money on anything either, there.

And yett, now, I belong here. I want to be here. I want to stay here like a tree. Grow all my roots into the ground so nobody can ask me to leave.

I'm so proud of myself to get this far. I don't always like me, but I realized this is not easy. It has never been easy. And I made it through. Baby steps, to the success. Thanks God. I know You are behind all of these.

State of Mind, State of Life

Couple of days ago I finally received the offer letter from the company that is looking forward to hire me. So frickin happy, and then... faced by the fact that I'm still working on my thesis draft. FML. LOL.

Got edits from one of my professor, and actually the things he edited or commented are the things I knew I kinda messed up or intentionally skipped without adding clear details. Which actually usually works for some people (my other professor never paid attention to such details like equations and some shit). But this one does. Gosh.......

Can I just graduate pweaaase??? Pretty pweaaasee...? I just want to work, get paid decently (way more decent than I've ever been) and have funnn?

I realized I'm a spoilt mothafucka.

Those Excuses

Maybe I'm just naturally a hateful person or what, I dunno LOL. But somewhat it irritates me how people would make excuses, like, "why did I choose this life path instead of (....)".

If you know what I mean. If you love your life then good. Why do you even try to justify it to people or society?
I think if you need to justify it then you actually don't quite feel that way....?

That's like one of my friend who sometimes post about how awesome her life is now even though she kinda miss the old life she had.

And then some random days she would message me, "I'm so jealous of you.."

Like.. what?! LOL.

Again, if you love your life then awesome. I don't need to be convinced by your "excuses", why your choice is better than everybody else.

Ambitious but not workaholic

That's how I think about myself. I dunno if other people would think the same or not. Cos honestly even when I was working, I did a lot of other things most times (i.e: playing with my phone, browsing, etc).

I always wake up late. Recently above 9 AM. Hell no to wake up too early in the morning.

I'm lazy. But I'm ambitious. I know the line where I have to say no to my laziness and start to work my ass off.

But I'm not naturally a workaholic. I don't enjoy being too busy. I like to have many spare time for myself.

Imagine if I have kids (which people say you won't be having enough sleep at all). Dang I'd be crazy.

Moving on and never look back

So I think I have written a lot about an ex of mine from around 2012-2013 that had to move abroad for work and then went missing. And then he came back, and went missing again. I also sorta wrote it here about how recently he came back again and called me, texted me and such.

When that happened, although I didn't really feel the same way anymore, I still thought maybe there's still chance between us. Maybe there's something good. Maybe. Maybe. Always positive thinking about love things and well...I kinda remembered how I felt long time ago. I was head over heels.

Anyway, these couple of days (or weeks even), he had been texting me almost everyday. Most of the stuffs he brought up were just really really simple stuffs, like asking what am I doing, what am I going to do, on repeat. Which kinda makes me annoyed. Like, dude, I have plenty other things to do beside responding to your empty texts. Other things he would bring up was just "our things" in the past, which I should remind you (and myself), that these "pasts" were about 4-5 years ago. DUH. I have experienced A LOT of other things and many other potential partners in those 4-5 years. I haven't really thought about you only.
So that was annoying me too, the fact that some of his approaches to me kinda seemed like he thought I can still easily fall back into him. Like he can just show up out of nowhere, praising me a little bit here and there (yes, he mentioned how beautiful I am, how talented I am, etc etc numerous times, which I had no idea what for), and also he would mention some things in the past, like the songs we used to listen to, etc. And I really didn't respond like he expected I would respond. Maybe couple of years ago I would be too excited that he even contacted me. But now? DUDE. BACK OFF. I have no feelings toward you anymore, plus you have been nothing but a jerk during these past 4-5 years. I am just nice enough to not call you any inappropriate names.

It didn't really kick in until recently when his texts were just like one word here and there (and for the note, I didn't text first, never) which reminds me how he works. He likes to do these things to me and I would basically beg for his responses, by trying to be chatty and fun. Not happening anymore, sorry.
Last time also he asked what I was doing and I said I was out drinking with my friends (he doesn't drink due to religious reason), and his response was suddenly kinda "annoyed". Like he also said "I don't think drinking helps with your jetlag". Ummm, sorry, it's none of your business.

Final knock out was 2 days ago when he again texted me pointless text "what are you up to?" to which I replied "shopping and going to cook. BTW, why are you texting me almost everyday now?".

He then replied that he will stop bothering me. Gosh what a weirdo.

Anyways, I then just remembered all the bad stuffs happened between us that it would be totally foolish for me to even go back to that moment again.

Goodbye my past lover..... I'm glad I didn't end up with you...