Harder than it looks like

It is good to be inspired by people, but remember that all the nice things you see (a.k.a the result) is a product of a very very hard work. Nothing comes easy.

When people see me getting a nice job now, live in a nice apartment, etc, that wasn't easy bro.
To list the things that took me to get to this point:
- I sacrificed my full-time job with a multi-national company that is considered one of the biggest in the world
- I left my country, my comfort zone, family, friends
- I actually took my saving plan from the company, that ultimately made me lost the company contribution to my savings. Meaning: of my savings plan, I lost half of the money bcos I took it earlier than it's supposed to be. I also sold some of my assets (not that much lol), just to help me living.
- I lived in the U.S, working on my Master's with SOOO limited income. I can barely imagine how I could live like that for 2 yrs lololol.
- I totally had to make new friends (which was never too successful)
- Sacrificed the need to eat all the good food (trust me this was harddd)
- I basically was on my own. No help from anybody. Well, there were some supports here and there but not significant
- I had to do all required processes using my own finance. There were a lot of moments where I doubt this all will work out eventually.

Anyway,
it just somewhat irritates me when people complain about how difficult it is and then gave up. Oh well, that's their life to begin with. But I feel like telling em, "dude. it was never easy for me, either. So quit whining and just work your ass off".

If there's somebody that totally helps a lot with the process, maybe one of my professor. Not only that  he gave me full scholarship and stipend, he also applied another scholarship for me that allowed me to extend one more semester in the school. That then led me to be able to do internship and such and such. But other than that, in order to survive, I had to also work part time job in school. Wowtsah..

That's good, tho. It's good to survive yourself when nobody could help you. Cos what?
Then nobody can claim that they were behind your own success.

2017 Summary

2017 was a bitter sweet year. I don't really want to talk a lot about my relationship that went up and down so much this past year. That was probably the most hurt experience I have ever had. Eventually that led me to work my ass off more on my school, which actually paid back. I nailed a Summer Internship. A very very VERY hard thing to achieve, especially at that time the oil price was still considerably low. I did very well on the internship which then also led me to get a full-time offer. BUT. I needed to graduate and earn my Masters first. So I (again) worked my ass off and finished!

This year I achieved a lot of things in terms of career and school. Which frankly was my ultimate goal anyway. Relationship wise, was pretty hurtful, but,.. it is what it is. We're still together, although I'm not very strongly sure anymore that it will last.

Now I'm moved to new state, new city, new apartment. Definitely more fancy life, but also a lot more responsibility. Adult time!

2017 was also the last year I got to be 20 something, so I got a tattoo and a badass piercing lololol...

Please be nice to me, 2018 :)

Giving

I feel bad about myself for having a "burden" feelings more when I spend money on somebody else, compared to if I would have spent it on myself. Have you ever felt that way too? For example, when I am looking to buy a gift for my friends or family, as much as I want to buy those things for them, if it was rather expensive, I'd think about it over and over again, and justify it inside my head, "That's OK, the person receiving it will be very happy". That's the whole point. The assurance that that particular person will be happy for receiving the gift, is the only reason that is worth the money.

Different story if I spend the money for myself. Well, I have to have enough money too, of course. But it would be easier. When I like something or want something done to me, I'd have no second thought. I enjoy myself giving such treat to me. Yes, me. It is all about me. Do I really love myself that much?

Anyway... lately I've been spending so much money, regardless no "big income" like I used to get when I did my internship. Heck, those moments were like 4 months ago. And here I am still splurging like there's no tomorrow. I'm currently in Austin with my so called BF (for 3 weeks now) and all I have been doing is spending money like a tourist. Lately also I have been browsing furniture (mainly mattress and sofa) for my new apartment in Bakersfield. It's crazy how expensive it can be and I even sorta plan to buy the high end one. I think this is an euphoria effect. I just changed my mind, though. I will still buy a good one, but not the best one. Too crazy to spend money on that kind of things. Heck, I should save more money, not keep on spending it!

I kept also reminding myself and cheering myself, there is a salary, sign-on bonus, and tax return that I will get early next year (~1month). So I shouldn't be too worried. LOL. Excuse, excuse! My credit score (at the bank) is getting lower now due to my spending (with lesser income). But you know what, there are more people that are really bad in their finance, compared to me (another excuse!).
I remember the first month I did my internship, a fellow intern of mine (an LA girl) paid off her credit card balance which left her have no more money left lolololol... That's so crazy. I said to her, "we all got the allowance, right? That's a lot of money!". But she said everything goes to the credit card payment. Lol. Gosh whata girl.

Anyways, I just bought something for someone and I just felt glad I did despite the pretty high price. Afterall, it's a Christmas season, a season of giving :)

Finally finished it

3 days ago, I passed my Master's thesis defense. When that happened, it felt surreal. Happiness didn't really kick in until recently. Looking back, it has been pretty crazy, you know. I know some people might experience an even harder one, bcause some of them have other responsibilities outside the study itself, such as having a family to take care of, etc. I have been just by myself all this time, although yes, I have told my story about being so struggling here when I didn't have enough money most times.

The other hard parts are when oil price is low, you didn't have any internships or job offer, and people start underestimating you. I was so sure they did. When I finally got an internship and even a job offer, oh my God, people start treating me differently. They were somewhat nicer and more respectful. Isn't that crazy?

Anyways, not only that part that was hard. Overall, everything was pretty hard. Courses were pretty hard in terms of the assignment load, and I really wanted to get a GPA of 4.0, although now I ended up having a 3.95 or something. But the conclusion is, I don't want to repeat this process, LOL. Enough is enough. I'm so tired of being a student and have to do all of the assignments. Gosh... And not even paid well (Duh, of course, who do you think you are!?).

Anyway again, now I'm just chilling... A bit sad thinking that I have to leave Golden..... But life must go on, just like... always....

Cheers to the next adventures ahead!

A week before defense

Mixed feelings. I don't want to postpone it (obviously). I just want to get it done sooner than later. Can you believe that supposedly all of these burdens will be over in a week?
Gosh...

I know sometimes I complain (human nature) about school life, which surprisingly was my biggest dream to pursue. Again, I cherish this moment so fricking much, but enough is enough. I don't enjoy it as much anymore. I want to graduate and start working again. Maybe, maybe, because my main goal is money. Yea maybe that's why. If being a student pays a lot, then I will choose this job any day.

But seriously, again, how can I complain? My life these past two semesters has been pretty easy peasy. I wake up late everyday. No classes anymore. Just do research, write, consult, re-write, etc. I really should not complain. But I'm just so done with my project.

One day I will miss all of these moments for sure. Being in the most beautiful place surrounded by the mountain, bluest sky, freshest air, no kids (LOL), no traffic, can go to gym everyday and exercise without hesitation, go to the nearest river close to the house. Gosh.... how dare did I ever complain? I love this place and this moment so much and I will remember it forever.

My poor life

The first 2 years I was here, I was always wondering why I can't gain weight. I felt like I ate enough. Now? I can't even lose 2 kgs! LOL.
Now I know why. Basically last 2 years I was in a very poor life. Not kidding.
1. I could barely eat out. I will really really think 1000 times before deciding to eat out with my friends. Even one time I got so hurt when my friend was asking why did I care if I spent money on eating out. I was like, "helloo?? I don't have money, chicca. Which part did you not get from that?" I had it in my mind, of course.
2. I could barely spend money on filling my gas. Everytime I wanna drive somewhere far, I thought about how my gas will run out fast and I wouldn't be able to buy it again.
3. I could barely shop on anything. Literally. One time I really really wanted to buy a sweater that costs $15. I couldn't buy it. Sad, huh?
4. I bought the cheapest skin product. And my face skin was horrible. I feel bad about it, now I really spoil my face!!!
5. I couldn't afford a parking permit at school, so I had to park somewhere far away from the building and had to move my car every 2 hours (the max hours). Maybe that's why I was skinny as well!

Now that I can afford most things, I just cannot lose weight at all. Hahahahahaha... Crazy! Always take and give, huh? You gain some and lose some. But I'm just glad I am not struggling anymore. It's always frustrating, especially when you cannot eat what you want because you don't have money. That's the saddest part, for me. I will never forget it!

Poligami

Akhir2 ini sering baca artikel tentang ibu2 yang menentang poligami. It is not really related to me (not in my religion) so I can't really comment on the basis of it, obviously.
But I'm very intrigued to make a comment as a common human being. Now, being committed to one person or more is something else. I know people that are like that. Or actually, there are a lot of people like that in the world. Heck my bf is very into open relationship (loving more than one person).

The issue with polygamy, though, in my opinion, is... why the heck you (man) can be with more than one person, while your wife/partner can only be with you? How in the world does that sound fair at all?

Now in all fairness, maybe, maybe... again this is just my personal opinion which may be right or wrong, maybe it is slightly fine if this guy is the source of everything. Like financially, etc, etc. So, there is no options, really. Unless the wife wants to start taking over and find the financial source as well, or maybe juts opt for divorce or whatever. But, if the wife, can also work by herself and feed the family just as much as the husband, wouldn't it be fair if both can be with anybody else?

My point is, don't be a jackass. If you are OK with however you are treating others, then theoretically you should accept being treated the same way!