Voicemail

"Leave me a message. Thanks so much"

*peep..*

"Hey..baby.., what are you doing..? I'm at school now,, working on my project.. Well, call me back when you get this message...
I love you.. "

(hung up)

******


And then he called me back..

"baby, you know what just happened?"
"what?"
"Sierra was here when you left the message... and she said, OMG..."
"what? What did I even say? (LOL, I didn't think I left too meaningful message honestly)"
"your message tells everything baby.."
"tell what?"
"everything..."

(^,^")

OK maybe I was being too sweet all the time, or my message was telling him out loud that I love him, or the way I was saying it, or he is just always being sentimental. LOL..

That kinda made me blushing, tho..

Communication

As most people know, relationship is hard. But what can make it even harder? A bad communication. In my present relationship, we have a lot of concerns. We have many differences, many limitations, and many more. But what makes me grateful is that (so far) we have a good communication with each other.

I remember my previous relationships (again, if you can call so) I never had a good communication with them. Part of it I think is probably maturity, and just mutual feelings between us. I remember soo many concerns I had, were never being addressed by my exes. Most of them just couldn't handle "hard conversations" especially the ones that always related to feelings. I kinda understand that part. Men could be overwhelmed by those talks about feelings. They would probably say, "cmon now, can we just have fun times without always addressing your concerns about feelings all the time??".

My man right now, he has a lot of limitation of course. But luckily, the most important thing, which I think is how we communicate about our concerns, were always being well addressed. It is not always a good talk, I mean sometimes I'm not very happy with the answers, but at least we discussed about things and try to understand it from many sides. So far I'm very happy about it.

Oh well, I don't know how the future will be, though. I guess I will have to keep reminding myself to chill out a little bit :)

So last night..

I found out about the girl and guy who go into my school (undergrad one in Bandung) made private video (amateur porn, you can call it so).

As I discussed about it with my friends, we made a lot of jokes about it. We talked about how weird the girl's act was, really trying to mimic the real porn actresses and ended up looking weird, instead. We were making jokes about the guy's "thing" and stuffs.

But then I realized, OMG, how it feels to be the girl? After the video went viral. I heard she moved to another school. And to realize, how difficult it must be to enter the previous school to begin with. And how is the girl's parents doing? Well the guy didn't show up at all in the video. Good for him. But, aw man, the girl? She looked so innocent. And I don't mean that everybody else is an angel, of course. Heck I'm no an angel.

But still, our society is very traditional. I just can't imagine...

I remember

couple of years ago, I got so heartbroken that I wanted to die. Yep, it was that hurtful. I remember every single days I was just trying to sleep and wake up realizing everything was a dream. Of course it wasn't. I remember I was reaaalllyy hoping we could get back together that I would do anything for that to happen. Regretting everything I'd done that I wish I could have fixed that.

My current guy told me, " I don't think what you experienced was love. I think I am the only guy you ever loved". LOL so confident! But he was saying that not in a joking way. He was being serious.

He probably is right, I don't know. Whether it was love or just infatuation, I remember the pain very clearly. Yet, we never got tired of hurting ourself by falling in love over and over again, did we? I think human in general are masochists! ;p

...

"why do you want to do it for me then? Wouldn't you feel less happy because that is not, you?"
"but I'm always happy when I'm with you. I won't feel less happy..I'm doing it for you.. for you.. it is for you"

I am lucky

He said, "we are so lucky.. to have each other"

I say, I am lucky.. I have you. You are the best love I have ever had. Period

Feeling Loved

can be as simple as, getting a phone call from my lover (went into voicemail) that actually only him wanting to share his opinion about life that just came to his mind.

Call me a hopeless romantic, but I found it pretty sweet, really :)