Is Love Enough?

I have recently been thinking a lot about this. There's such thing as "Unconditional Love", if you ever heard. Women tend to do it more than men, as what mentioned in "Men from Mars, Women from Venus" book. It's also probably because women tend to use their feeling more than their logic. Maybe.

Lately I've been listing several things that can be a good reason for me NOT to continue this thing right now. But everytime I think about it, I become really sad. *see? even typing about it already makes my eyes blurry in tears. Lol*

The reason I become sad maybe because I already have quite a deep feeling for this one. Well, not that I didn't have the same deep feeling for the previous one. And frankly speaking, I could move on from the last one because of this one.

So. It's kinda sad, no?

I won't write it here, about the very recent REASON that may make me quit. But honestly, it's quite a BIG one. It's not cheating or abuse things, no. It's not that.

Makes me wondering, if it were him who stands in my position, what would he do?

Pretty sure he'd walk away.

So, is Love itself enough for me to hold on?

Lama-Lamaan

Jadi inget suatu pagi saya lagi dengerin radio, waktu penyiar radionya bilang begini, "nikah itu bukan cepet-cepetan, tapi lama-lamaan"

Mak deng.

Sebenernya sih occassionnya ngocol aja saat itu, tapi tetep lumayan "nyampe" juga sih maksudnya. I mean, made sense gitu. Bukan soal marriage aja loh ya.. Tapi juga soal lain misalnya baru jadian ato apa gitu.

Kadang orang ingin menampilkan sisi kehidupannya yang sangat memuaskan, accomplishment, achievement, and everything about good things. But then, they forget what really is the meaning of it. It's not about what to show, but really what is it you're working on.

Maybe that's why some people don't really want to make things go public, so then when it's over, they don't need to hide anything from anyone.

We tend to be eager to show something off when we're proud or happy about it, but then run away and disappear when something bad happens. Or rather be ashamed and make it as quiet as possible.

*)merenung sambil mengangguk ngeliat kejadian serupa yang baru2 ini terjadi di sekitar

Comfy Zone

I think lately I've been too comfortable in my situation right now.
Got salary every month, some bonus, go shopping, and all the routines that I think quite, hmm.. safe, I can say.
Makes me forgetting what my purpose was at the beginning.
I want to go to school!

I remember my first year in this company, I told everyone I'm going to pursue master degree immediately.
Then everytime I told this idea to my parents (especially my dad), he would say, "well it's not easy to be in the state as you are in already. So, think again. Everybody thinks it's a really good achievement"
Well yeah Dad, but that's not what I want!

Actually what makes me realize again about this 'dream', is, because some people questioned about this again to me. I made a lot of excuses such as, well.. I still have to pay my apartment, bla bla bla.. bla bla bla..
In the end, one told me, well it depends on what your intention at first place. Once you already know what you want, you will do anything to make it come true. True.
Hiks.

I think I should really make a move. Start from now. I will take TOEFL and thinking about GRE course. Smangattt!!!

Acceptance

One said, you can't really change someone. If there's one thing you can change, that's only yourself.
Fairly noted.
Other said, if you love someone, you have to ignore their weakest point and focus on other good things from them. If it's concluded by one of my friends, he said, "you can either sink or swim. Meaning, you accept him as the way he (always) be, or, choose to swim away."
In other way of saying, people need to be accepted as what they already are. Well, you can communicate how you feel towards that condition, but really nothing you can do much about that.

D-vorce

Kalo ada yang ngefollow saya di Path maupun di Twitter, beberapa saat lalu saya sempat sering mengomentari pemberitaan beberapa artis yang kawin-cerai. Yah, namanya juga artis (katanya), kawin-cerai itu mah biasa..
Ya emang sih.. Tapi yang bikin saya agak surprised adalah yang akhir-akhir ini kawin cerai adalah artis2 yang notabene sudah melangsungkan kehidupan perkawinan selama bertahun-tahun. Ada yang bahkan anaknya sudah remaja.

Terus terang saya sedih kalo membaca pemberitaan seperti itu. Kenapa? Karena hal2 seperti itu jadi membuat saya berpikir.. Apa sebenernya harapan hidup berkeluarga dengan 1 orang yang sama seumur hidup itu semakin kecil?

Ada lagi orang kantor (expatriat) yang kabarnya mau cerai dari istri ketiganya (yea I know) yang beda usianya cukup jauh. Walaupun, sekali lagi, usia perkawinan mereka sudah cukup lama, 10 tahunan. Kalau kata teman saya yang lain, "well, anyway, who can be with the same person for that long?". Gausah diitung sih kata2nya dia, secara, orangnya juga sudah 47 tahun dan masih bujangan. Katanya lagi, "I don't need that. I can be with any chicks any time". *sigh

Tapi, sebenernya, kata2 dia itu ada benernya dikiiit.. Namanya perkawinan itu kan berarti yang sebelumnya lo hidup sendiri (take care of yourself only, be responsible of yourself only, do anything that you like) jadi hidup bersama orang lain. Dan ga bisa yang sekonyong2, "terserah lo, gw sih maunya gini". Mau ngga mau semuanya harus kompromi, menyamakan visi, misi, dll. Dan most of the times ketemunya orang itu lagi. Jujur kalo saya saat ini, masi iya-iya-nggak, kalo memikirkan hidup seperti itu. Bukan ngga mau, saya cuma ngga percaya diri aja. I'm afraid I'll screw it up somehow.

Suatu hari juga saya ngobrol dengan si dia. Saya bilang, kenapa ya orang jaman sekarang lebih mudah give-up on things like that? Orang jaman dulu (sebut saja nenek2 saya), pacaran ngga kayak sekarang (ngapelnya cuma diapelin ke rumah, ngbrol2 dikit), nikah, suaminya ada yang suka judi, ada yang suka marah2, ada yang main tangan, sampai selingkuh juga iya. eh.. tapi awet2 aja loh. Kalo menurut saya sih kalo namanya main tangan atau selingkuh itu udah BIG NO banget sih. Amit2lah smoga ngga sampai yaa...

Kata dia, yah jaman dulu sama jaman sekarang emang beda. Jaman dulu orang masi menganggap kalo cerai itu hal yang cukup taboo. Bagaimana pandangan orang akan seseorang yang bercerai, anaknya hidup di keluarga broken home, dst. Sedangkan sekarang, hal itu sudah cukup lazim, sehingga orang pun menjadi berpikir lebih ke kebahagiaan dirinya daripada harus berkompromi akan suatu hal yang jelas-jelas hanya memperberat hidupnya.

Hemm.. again, banyak hal yang mendasari itu semua. Kadang kita bisa menghibur diri dengan berkata "mungkin dia memang bukan jodoh saya". Mungkin. Mungkin juga diri ini yang kurang paham dengan inti dari "for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and health, to love, cherish, and to obey, till death do us apart"

PMS

Seorang teman (cowo) pernah bilang ke saya,
P dari PMS itu kepanjangan dari Pre, Pas, sama Pasca. Intinya teh, cewe itu PMS tiap saat!

Haha.. boleh dibilang betul.. (tersipu malu). Kadang kalo saya lagi sensitif atau bawaannya keseell gitu, saya suka mikir, "PMS nih kali ya". Pas liat tanggal, "lah prasaan gw baru aja dapet. Wkwkwk"

Tapi hari ini boleh dibilang saya sedang cukup sensitif (sama pacar). Walaupun kayaknya dia pun ga sadar.

Kayaknya jadi lebay gitu deh, trus curcol ke temen.. Katanya, "lagi PMS mungkin?"

Hemm.. liat tanggalan, iya juga sih. Kira2 seminggu lagi dapetnya. (excuse)

Liat blog ini sbulan lalu juga saya lagi galo2 ga jelas. Nah! Bener kalo gitu.. PMS!

"Aww" moment

S: And why **** can stay here that long?

H: Bcause he is a Manager, he can stay here as long as he wants to. Hmm.. let's see, maybe I can do it when I become the same PSG as him.

S: Do u want to stay?

H: Yes. Why not. You're here

***

H: I'm thinking about a trip in June, July, August. About 3-4 trips. 

S: Trip with who?

H: The girl behind you. Who do u think I'm talking to now?

S: Huehehihii *giggling*, I didn't expect you to think bout that

H: Well I guess I have to work on it, not just sit there and expect it to happen

***

H: I don't like people gossiping. It's like they don't have another thing to do

S: Well I have problem if they're gossiping about something that's not true. But if it's true, it's okay

H: It doesn't matter if it's true or not, Sheila. If I heard people talking bad about you, I'll punch them on the face

***

Seriously, who doesn't want to squeeze this adorable creature who acts like he doesn't give a damn, but actually cares more than anyone else..