The Process

So my preparation to (finally) go to school (again) is about 80% already.
I can't really say I really am going to go cause I still haven't got the visa on my hand. Well, it is still about 4 months from now anyway.

But by now I already finish up all credentials ( though every shipment of my document costs me around $60, sigh!), I told my bosses already (and surprisingly they're really supportive, so far. Well, they should, afterall I didn't ask any money from them to pay for my school).

I would really like to write about the process of me getting admitted and all of the stuffs happened, but again, cos it is only 80%, I'm afraid I will jinx it somehow :P

But I think I can just write briefly about it.

So I have always been thinking bout going back to school, but the time when I reaaallly did something was just last August 2014. That was when I finally took IELTS test. I thought, just take it anyway. Whether I'm gonna apply or not. And later in November 2014, I took the GRE.
Did I do any preparation classes for that? No. I did take IELTS course when I just graduated from ITB back in 2010 (basically cos I was jobless too for couple months), but that was it. I bought the GRE preparation book at the same year, never touched it until couple months before my GRE test.

I was almost taking the GRE preparation class, but it was around 5 million rupiah for 12 sessions. Each session will take around 3 hours. Either attend the class after work (7-10 p.m), or take it on weekend. (like, seriously?)
Knowing myself too well, I decided to just wing it. No preparation class, just do the exercises on the book.
Basically GRE is some kind of "ujian kesetaraan" for people applying to graduate school in the U.S (mainly). Usually schools in Europe won't ask for it. So the test consists of 3 main parts. Quantitative, Verbal, and Analytical Writing. I can say that I enjoy Math, so I focused on the quantitative exercises. Verbal exercise was basically hopeless. Even the American Native won't get a good score at this, so why bother trying. LOL.

In the end I got the result as what I expected. Quantitative was good, verbal sucks, analytical writing was so so. I told the professor of the school about my score and he was OK with that. I think he was more interested in my experience rather than that. But well, I'm not sure.

Anyway, back in December when I got the IELTS and GRE scores on my hand, I was still debating if I should apply or not. Cos of I decided to apply, I have to be really serious about it. Like commit certain amount of money to pay the application fee, shipment, etc. And ask for recommendation, etc.  More over, I was thinking that I only got 4 yrs of experience, why not waiting until 5 years, when I can save more money..

So I was talking to this guy at the office. He is an expat, graduated from Texas A&M. When I told him bout my "plan" to go to school again, he was excited and really encouraged me to go. But later when I was in doubt, I told him, err...maybe I'll just wait another year. 5 years sounds better for me, I said.

One thing he told me that really changed my thought at that time
"If you wait another year, I think you won't be applying at all. U don't know what will happen in a year. Say you meet a guy, or something. "

I immediately emailed the professor that night. LOL.

Annnddd... the rest is as what I wrote on this blog earlier. Or maybe I will write more about it on the next posts.
But the main point I would like to highlight from this post is, there is no such thing as "impossible" or "too much work/efforts to do".

As long as u want it so bad, and u're willing to work on it, believe in it,
You will get it.

To do list (in 4 months)

Though I reaaallly wanted to get the school admission and I even wrote it here that I didn't think I could handle rejection/failure, but in fact I hadn't had enough time to think what I really have to do when I finally leave.

So now here I am, sitting and thinking, "man... there's a lot of things to do!"

1. Go to Bandung and ask for transcript. Official one sent directly from the campus to the next campus
2. Make sure my IELTS will be sent directly from IALF too
3. Make sure I have all things sent for I-20 process
4. Finish this damned project I'm currently working on which due on Mid April *sigh*
5. Thinking bout when and how would I tell my boss and HR bout this thing (yes, I haven't told em anything yet. LOL)
6. Make sure I go/travel with some of my best friends first. I wanna go for diving trips too. I just bought complete set of dive gear and I think I wouldn't be able to use it for the next couple years. Hmm
7. Go back to hometown to say goodbye to my grandmom, little brother, friends.
8. Buy lunch to some people that helped thru all this process (recommender, supportive friends)
9. Farewell party with my party gang
10. Farewell lunch with my team at the office
11. Make sure what I have to do with my apartment, car, works
12. Thinking bout the classes I need to take
13. Thinking bout the accomodation there

anndddd yea maybe that's all for now

Can't thank You enough :)

"And when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it....."

Re-read

my past posts, I feel a bitter sweet things of my life so far.

Most of the times just about when I fell in love, and then when I was broken heart. LOL. Always.

My life is just a total roller coaster mode.

I actually hate the fact that I'm always annoyed by small things. I kept thinking bout some tiny things bothering me and sometimes even get stressed out bout this.

Lucky I have many good friends that I can always rely on. They are my trash box :p

Sometimes I even think, is it maybe because I never really face the real problem in life, so I get spoiled and bothered by small problems?

Not that I ask for bigger problems, tho. *amit2 jabang bayi :( *

I just really want to be a tougher person.

Not always complaining bout small things like, boys, jerks.

Anyways. I'm 26 going to 27.

Should be mature enough by now.

Should be.

But am I?

I am not prepared

to a failure.

Nope.

Not.

Just not.

And here I am now waiting, whether I will be succeeded on this one thing or not. Cause if not, I just don't have the picture, of what my life would look like in the future.

OK probably that sounds a bit exaggerated.

But the thing is, I want this sooo so bad that all I can think of is, that's the only thing I would be chasing at this moment. If I failed? Well.. I would probably just continue my life like I'm doing now, which I don't really want to do anymore. At this moment at least.

I wanna escape. From several things. And continue a whole new life out there. That's all.

You know, I've been thinking lately, that probably (or surely?) some things that we cannot have (which we know already that it's bad for us), are not meant for us. It was meant to be someone else's, cause God saved us from it. Saved us from this bad bad things. While in the future we will look back and say, I know why I couldn't have that at that time.

So, yea.

Aside from that thought, here I'm just waiting and waiting....

the Job

I know sometimes I would say things like, "oh why it's Monday already?" "why the holiday is over?" "I want holidaaaayyy"
etc

But actually, this job is what keeps me alive. Like, literally. I could buy what I want to buy or need to buy, because of this.
I could distract myself from my personal problem, because of this.
I could do something, mean something, all because of this job.

I honestly don't know what would I do or end up doing if I didn't have this job.

Recently many people got laid off from their jobs because of the oil and gas crisis. Me and other friends might feel terrible bout it, feel sorry for them, etc. But we actually didn't really know how they feel exactly. If it were me, oh God.. I just couldn't imagine it.

So, thanks God for still letting me do my job, have this job, go to work everyday. not lacking of anything. Could save some for my life, I know sometimes I just forgot how to be grateful in a proper way. All I usually think of is how miserable some other part of my life. But seriously, what could I ask for more?

:)

I just found

a blog that I really like..

This is the type of writing that I enjoy reading, apparently..

www.markmanson.net