You can't always get what you want

So today I was told by my professor that I wouldn't get the PhD opportunity. I was stunned, grinned awkwardly, and his face showed a lot of "I'm so sorry" look. He said, "I'm sorry but I think that's not gonna happen". Now, I know it can't be any close to compare, but somehow I was thinking, "man maybe this is kinda how it feels like when you thought you were gonna live for decades more and suddenly your doctor said,"you only have couple of months left. One year top."

OK that shouldn't be any close to compare to my situation, but I'm just so surprised. I was so prepared to stay here for a couple more years, but now it seems like only a couple more months left. A part of me was relieved, realizing I don't have to deal with this shit for another 3-4 years. But also, what will happen next? What about my love life? What should I do once I'm back? I haven't even prepared to leave this beautiful place. I haven't visited most places I need to visit.

Is that probably what dying people think about? When you were told you only have limited time to live? I don't even dare to imagine. Life is pretty scary sometimes.

You can't always get what you want.... that's just how life works.