Typical Me

Not really enthusiastic to write after a break-up. Haha... so far this break-up has been easy, compared to any other break-ups I've ever gone thru. One of the reason is that we are still so much in love with each other and even still in a good terms. The main problem here now is that he really doesn't want to be committed and there's nothing really I can do to change that. He thinks our relationship is WAAAY too fast for him and lately I've been kinda hinting that either we make it firm NOW or NEVER. Well, that's actually just my personality. I have always been so blinded by my feelings and really brushing everything else off. I have already witnessed a lot of things that wouldn't work if we were together. I should probably not mention it here because after all, who knows we will end up together? LOL. But anyway, the kinda funny thing is that when I told my parents that I broke up, they were SO HAPPY?!?!
My mom even said something like, "Praise the Lord! God answered my prayer."

"-___-


That's probably one thing that kinda makes me not extremely sad. If my parents love him probably that would make me even sad-er. But that's one right thing, he is not the typical guy you would be proud to introduce to your parents or even your friends. Well, my friends at least. Our world is way to different for us to be in one unity. Well, that's probably why I love him at the first place? Cause he makes me excited all the times. Never a dull moment. But dang, I'm almost 29 and it's probably not really a good time to fool around and stay with wrong guys. He said something like, "I am willing to see if it can work in a long term, we can get to know each other now." But hell, I said, I won't be waiting for him. Especially he is pretty old for me to wait for some more years. He is OK with me finding someone else along the way.

Anyway again, we still talk to each other every time and the difference is that he is now as free as a bird to be with any other people. I told him though that I don't want to know anything about that. I only want to know his other stuffs, like movie and career. Another difference is probably now I have to let it loose, like no more plans to be together eventually, not getting so cranky when he doesn't call, no more future plan based on his capability. Now I plan my future based on what sounds good for my life, like career wise etc. Actually that gives a lot of clarity of how serious I am about PhD plan. I can't even express how grateful I am now that I didn't get the PhD. I would still probably want to do PhD but not at the same school. If I would even consider to do it, I need to do it somewhere "more" and different, for a whole new experience.


Other than that, I am confirmed that I can stay until December. Wrapping up my thesis and will try to do another research and try to publish it. I've NEVER published any papers, can you believe that?? HAHAHAHA... that's probably why also I didn't get the admission to PhD program. I am also now financially more secured, hallelujah! Praise the lord! That really helps me to stay sane, buy any food I want to eat and even I now get to shop some beauty products and clothes. I am so happy. My apartment get rented back in Jakarta, which also takes off some of my burden. I somehow feel that God is truly watching me despite, you know, my ignorance most times. I am too focused on myself and less caring about my surrounding. After all, I'm still learning in this life! Learn to be a better person.