2016 going to 2017

Oh my goodness, it is already almost 2017! Meaning soon I will be 29. Still 20 something, but... well.. all I realize is that no one will ever tell me "oh you are so young" anymore. Well.. except they are 70+ maybe. LOL.

A little bit of flashback about this year, I met my boyfriend exactly one year ago. Did not think that it was gonna be something serious, at all. He wrote his email address and phone number on a paper and left it on my bedroom the day before he left for Austin (he was staying at his mom's house a.k.a my landlord for Christmas). So cute. We ended up talking, emailing and then decided to meet couple of times more after that. Although it is a long distance relationship, I think it is bitter sweet times. Everytime we're together, we are always like a new couple again. I remember when he came to me in Dallas during SEG week, we were having lunch at this Indian place. We were holding hands and staring at each others the whole time that the waitresses said "oh what a love birds...." not in a sarcastic way. Hahhaaha,... I think the LDR thing is one thing that encourages it. Although we are naturally sweet to each other too.

After summer I told his mom that we have been dating the whole time, which really surprised her but she of course was happy about that. She always wanted to match us up anyway.. I was with another guy too for a really brief time, but now I am really sure what we have is different from me and my BF.

Honestly this year is so full of my relationship with my BF and he feels the same way. He was like, "frankly, lately I have been busy talking to you all the time (on the phone)". Hahahaha.. I've been calling him all the time way more than his mom.

Other than that, I've been busy with school, made some progress with my research, finished my classes. Last semester (that just ended) I got 4.0, finally. Although I still had 2 courses that were A-, which was so annoying. So cumulatively it is 3.93 now instead of 4.0. Oh well... that's fine I guess.
I am thinking to continue to PhD, although it is really something I never thought about before. But there's a lot of reasons behind it. Well.. I guess we will see what I will end up doing eventually.

Was talking with my BF about the possibility of us getting married, which is actually really really weird to discuss. Well, first, we've just been dating for a year, long distance, and we have A LOT of differences. But I guess the more we spend time together, the more those difference become less significant. Oh well.. I don't know. I guess talking about it doesn't really mean we are going to do anything soon.

One more thing is, what I really want is honestly to go back earning a lot of money and live with my love. I've been incredibly happy every time I'm with him, so I guess it should be something right.

In the end, I just hope for the best for 2017. Hopefully everything goes as planned, graduate from Masters on May, and see what happens next.

Ciao!

Merry Christmas!

So this is my second Christmas time with my love. First Xmas was when we actually knew each other for the first time. Haha... We didn't really do much at the day. But it was pretty memorable :)
We went to Austin.. Met his friend that helps with his movies, and then we ate food trucks thingy at some park. It was a beautiful place.. We were going to eat at his favourite vegetarian place "Bouldin Creek" but of course it was closed during Christmas day. Were going to Whole Foods for grocery shopping but again, it was closed. Oh we were also planning to go to art gallery cause he was gonna purchase some painting, buttt... of course it was closed.
Oh BTW I'm talking about the 24th of December. So then we went back to Elgin, went to a sport bar which was not very impressive place. We were just killing time before the midnight mass. And... we went to the mass by the bicycle. I was so touched :) He was actually more Catholic than me, at that time. Haha.. He is not a Catholic, but his mom is. So he is pretty familiar with the ritual, and not hesitant to follow it. Well,, and it was Christmas. Not like I encourage him to go to church every week with me.. Or maybe one day.

The real Christmas day we did not do much either. Was just going to the country side because he was wanting to take pictures of the potential places for his next movie. And... at the very late night I insisted on taking picture in front of the Christmas Tree.

Bae when I was trying out the lighting

Turned out to be pretty dark LOL

Anyway... We were looking at the photos again yesterday (26th) and he felt bad. He was like.. "I will fix the lighting for you.. tomorrow we will take the same picture again.."

:')

All I want for Christmas is you... *cheesy mode on*

Indifferent

Sometimes I think, I'm pretty indifferent when it comes to friendship and family..
Kalo bahasa Indonya, "cuek"...
I wish I could feel the same about love relationship, you know.
It is pretty interesting though that most friendships I have, are pretty loyal to me. As far as I know, most of my closest friends are still in touch with me most of the times. Unlike some people that I know, that basically told me they kinda lose their friendships. It just faded away or something. For me, to be honest, I don't care about it that much. I know it sounds super cocky, and excuse me for that. But really, I never really felt the fear of losing friendships. Or probably I don't care about it that much. But the funny thing is, the more I don't care about it that much, the more they are sticking with me.

Of course I still put some efforts on it, though. Like trying to meet up when they insist. I will make time and such. But I never really take things personally with them. Or maybe sometimes I did, but not much.
I somehow think, "there are still plenty of fish in the sea" in terms of friendship.

I guess when it comes to friendship, I'm a pretty fun person. LOL I know this again sounds super-cocky. But that is true. Unlike love relationship where I kinda "lose" my self and try to look better than I am, with friendships I am always myself. Which includes my indifference, my craziness, my "easy-going"ness and just be me.

Yea I know.. I wish I could really apply it to my love relationship, instead! ;P

Acceptance

OK... I've been talking a LOT about my boyfriend here lately... (almost a year perhaps). Well for those of you who are my usual readers, you would know already that I am that kind of person. Hopeless romantic! So.. as long as it doesn't make you nearly vomit to read these.. or if you do, well.. well I don't know how to help! LOL

Anyway... one thing again about my sweetie.. He is probably the weirdest human being I've ever known. Even worse, I'm dating that person! LOL.
I don't think most people could date him, you know.. He just has so many non-mainstream kind of views. So many things that are not normal for most people, I guess.

Then why am I still dating him?

To be honest, I don't even know! Or actually I know...
despite all of his quirks, weirdness, limitation, he is probably the sweetest person I've ever been involved with. Well, you would know that if you read my other posts. Every moments I spent with him are always like a movie. Never a dull moment! It involves all of emotions. I cried a LOT also during these times.. But, he was never ever.. EVER.. being mean to me. He has never even talked in a high tone to me. Most times I cried were because of my jealousy, insecurity, and fear of losing "us".
And another thing is he is super honest, so there are a lot of things I wish I never heard from him, like his past, or his thoughts or feelings (that is non-mainstream).

But then.... I am not perfect, either. And frankly, I don't think most people can handle me either, you know. When someone just knew me, they didn't know how fragile I could be, emotionally. And I think a lot of guys cannot handle that. Well at least most guys I've ever been with in the past. And this weird, far-from-perfect guy I'm with right now, he has been handling me really well so far. He assured me most of times. Understands my insecurity.. Accepts me..

And in the end.. isn't that what really crucial in a relationship?
Acceptance. I know it sounds hard, sometimes illogical. But it is true. If you want to be accepted... learn how to accept others, first. Oh well, maybe accept yourself, first. Second, accept the people that you love.
It is still hard for me most of the times.. But I just keep reminding myself every now and then!

Sweet

I really wanted to call him that night but I restrained myself. I was thinking, "man.. I must be a super clingy GF all this time". I found that lately I've been contacting him more often than not. And it's not that he doesn't want to contact me. He's just that busy. And I've witnessed it.

Somehow I still felt a little bit uneasy... But I pushed myself to fall asleep. It was 12 AM the last time I checked my phone.

I think I was peacefully sailing through my dreams when suddenly my cellphone rang..
"what the heck, who's calling me?"
Do you know the feeling when you're so deep into your sleep and forced to "wake up"?
Man I think I was about 20% functioned...

"Hello?"

and there, on the other side.. I could hear my sweet love's voice..

"Baby... I just want to tell you that I love you...",
he told me with his "typical" way of talking. I don't know if I can describe it. Our way of talking is sometimes very unacceptable for adults, maybe. Hahaha...
One time my friend overheard my BF phone call with me and he said, "how can you be attracted to him?" >> because he thought my BF was weird.
Oh well, he is... weird... but a good kind of weird. Addictive kind of weird frankly!

Anyway... I was not fully awake, of course. It was even hard to arrange a sentence with a proper grammar, LOL. The next morning I thought that was probably a dream. But it was on my call log, so I knew it was a real memory.

Wasn't that the sweetest thing ever? Or most annoying thing ever? LOL. Because I checked and it was 12.30 what the heck!? So technically I was just asleep for a bit less than 30mins. And then I would need to struggle to fall asleep again for a while.

Of course I thought that was the sweetest thing ever, though :)
But again.. I'm that "cheesy" type of a person.

Told him later, "you were so sweet.. baby.."
Him:"well usually I would be sweet like that more often. But I've just been busy..!"

Yeaa.. OK then my busy guy... good thing you're sweet, though!

Thanksgiving

So Thanksgiving holiday is over.. We had a blast for a little bit more than a week in Elgin. Most days we spent by playing cards together (as always with BF's family), cooking, eating. BF's sister is really good at keeping our stomach full all the time. In the morning she will already prepare breakfast and everything. I'm so so so happy. My BF was always sweet all the time as always.

Returning to Colorado, however, makes my heart uneasy. Somehow I feel my love for him has become overwhelming and my insecurity was just heighten like you won't believe. There were some things that annoyed me, although it happened couple of months ago (which at that time we were not in a "committed relationship") that I just found out. It is supposedly insignificant, cos it happened quite some time ago, and to be fair, I was involved with someone else too around that time. But in particular, I am just the most jealous GF you would ever be with, perhaps. Or maybe not. I know several people (of course Indonesian) that are crazier than me in terms of jealousy.. But yea.. basically I am that hardcore if you talk about jealousy.

Anywaay... long story shorts, it was bothering me every now and then... And last night I was being so drama towards my lovely BF. Most of the times he was just incredibly sweet in responding my emotional judgment. But I somehow still pushed him to show me that he loves me more than he does, you know. Yea I'm that insecure and needing assurance every now and then.

We talked and talked almost for 2 hours, which at one point I was happy and assured already, until I was not. I was becoming more and more annoying, pushing him and kinda "testing his boundaries". It ended up pretty late (1 am his timezone) so he just said,"I cannot talk about this anymore. It is pretty late.. Maybe we can talk more tomorrow".
We just then said "night" without any "love you" whatsoever lol.

This morning I woke up with his email that is again trying to reassure me that we have a wonderful relationship and he is trying to do his best. I was still bit annoyed and such but of course I couldn't help but calling him and we ended up being lovey dovey again. In summary, I really really feel grateful for having him as my BF other than anybody else. Believe me he is far from perfect, but he is perfect enough to cope with my "craziness" and "immaturity".

Oh well... that's about it!

Homesick that turns into "not wanting to leave"

I remember last year I was very very homesick that I cried several times at night LOL. I think mostly because I was still new at this place, not so many friends yet (honestly I still don't have many friends, either, now, but I don't really care at this point), and I missed the hell out of my food (now I can eat whatever, really). I remember one of my friends commented on my "homesick" status on social media with "maybe you should get a BF there!" which now I did, and yes, that works a wonder!

Despite having a BF that I really really love and loves me back just as much, I also feel so peaceful here, you know. I remember how stressful I was back in Indonesia, which honestly due to too many stupidities I encountered there. It's so hard to get things done by people, there are always excuses, etc. Not to mention also that the traffic is just so ridiculous. I remember even though I was financially secured, I would complain almost everyday about my life in Jakarta. And I don't want to be rude, but I was annoyed by my family most of the times. I know they love me and such and they are amazing to me, but man... family is family. It's actually pretty peaceful for me to live far far away from them. I know it is wrong to say that, but that's just how I feel, frankly.

Here I feel healthier, due to I have to walk most of the times. I think the quality of food also better, supposedly. My landlord also almost always cooked healthy stuffs for us. And she loves the hell out of me, I think. Oh I didn't mention it here, but she is just so so sooo generous that she bought me ticket to Austin to celebrate Thanksgiving together with her, my BF, my BF's sister and father too (so my landlord is my BF's mom, in case I haven't said it earlier). She was super sweet. We have this routine every Sunday after church, eating at one of the diner and we always ordered the same things. One time lately she said, "OMG I'll miss this when you're gone". Awww! I'm so saddened by that :(

Anywaaay.. Yes, so despite my poverty here (obviously I never shopped in almost 2 years now), I feel pretty much happy and content and healthy and loved~

That's what makes me considering to stay by continue to PhD program. Oh well, that's another story though.... In the end I can't really see myself going back to Indo at the moment, although I would, if I got my job back. That would still sadden me a little bit, though, since I will have to live so far far away from my love...