I texted one of my friends that got married couple of years ago (not very long ago),
"hey X, why I haven't seen you with your wife anymore? I guess I'd rather ask you directly than asking other people, right?"
I know that kinda sound very nosy of me LOL, but well, I've just been curious. I even noticed they are not friends anymore on social media.
My friend, "yes.. I have been divorced. She cheated on me and now getting married again"
WHAT.IN.THE.HELL?
I remember their wedding party was pretty big. Even if I got married one day with someone I really love, except he's rich, I wouldn't make that big of a wedding. Anyywaay... long story short he said the ex-wife married him not because of love, but because of something else (not sure what it is). I actually kinda sensed it even before they got married. Not that I know the wife well, not at all, only do "cipika cipiki" when we see each other. I'm not even sure she remembers me. LOL. Maybe not. But yea, from my friend's story before they got married, the ex-wife was kinda suspicious, like always trying to be secretive, not allowing my friend to look at her phone, putting it on "airplane mode" whenever she left the phone unattended, etc. Weird huh? That's why me and my other friends were shaking our head when he finally got married, in such a "hurry" mode.
Anywaay again, back to the part where "she didn't get married because of love", OMG? How can even someone do that? Like, how nuts are you? I know some people said love can grow after the marriage itself. But, seriously? OK maybe I'm being too judgmental now as I haven't been married at all myself, but I just can't imagine getting into a marriage without love. Might as well become a single person forever! Marriage WITH love itself is already hard, I believe. Imagine being in it WITHOUT love. Hell!
Oh well, I guess people are different. Some thinks that their priority in life might not be the love itself, can be their "image" in front of the public, money, position, etc. I just can hope I won't be one of it one day!
Saturday, January 21, 2017
Monday, January 16, 2017
I am blessed
Just now I feel really blessed, despite several "plans" that were not working in my life. Back in 2014 I finally decided to make a move, to apply to graduate school in the U.S. I have always wanted to study abroad, experiencing how is it to live very far away from home, talk in your second language every single day, do a grocery shopping every couple of days in a country you are not familiar with, and so on.
I loved traveling, still do, yet every time I travelled, it was never more than 2 weeks. And what did I get? Pictures, yes. Beautiful ones. Some information about the places, yes. But experience wise, it is not nearly as close to when you actually live there.
Other than that reason, I also want to "bump up" my earnings. I got decent salary, yes. But remembering me as an impatient person, I want to earn moreee.. a lot more. And I didn't want to wait. I had to do something. I have to study abroad, get a masters, and work overseas. At least that was what I thought. Did it go as planned? Nope, not yet. Who would have predicted that the oil prices went down, to the deepest fall? I'm sure, if the situation was not like this, I could have had a job here, in a heartbeat. I'm sure of that.
Oh well... but who could have known, right? That's life. One time you think you got it, and Life says "nope..".
But I'm still feeling blessed, you know. I get to meet people that are so so amazing here. Life is not as easy as back in my home country, but man.. this is very much meaningful. And in the end, why would you want "easy" life? Do you want to grow old thinking, "is that it?"?
I am also blessed to have my family that support me no matter what. I think not all family would do that. I know it must be hard to allow your kids, especially the only daughter of the family, to live thousand miles away from home. *although my mom kinda likes it, as an excuse for her to travel here LOL*
And last but not least.. I'm blessed to have met my love :)
I loved traveling, still do, yet every time I travelled, it was never more than 2 weeks. And what did I get? Pictures, yes. Beautiful ones. Some information about the places, yes. But experience wise, it is not nearly as close to when you actually live there.
Other than that reason, I also want to "bump up" my earnings. I got decent salary, yes. But remembering me as an impatient person, I want to earn moreee.. a lot more. And I didn't want to wait. I had to do something. I have to study abroad, get a masters, and work overseas. At least that was what I thought. Did it go as planned? Nope, not yet. Who would have predicted that the oil prices went down, to the deepest fall? I'm sure, if the situation was not like this, I could have had a job here, in a heartbeat. I'm sure of that.
Oh well... but who could have known, right? That's life. One time you think you got it, and Life says "nope..".
But I'm still feeling blessed, you know. I get to meet people that are so so amazing here. Life is not as easy as back in my home country, but man.. this is very much meaningful. And in the end, why would you want "easy" life? Do you want to grow old thinking, "is that it?"?
I am also blessed to have my family that support me no matter what. I think not all family would do that. I know it must be hard to allow your kids, especially the only daughter of the family, to live thousand miles away from home. *although my mom kinda likes it, as an excuse for her to travel here LOL*
And last but not least.. I'm blessed to have met my love :)
Sunday, January 15, 2017
Writing About Good Things Only..
To be honest, if there's any media that captures both sides of my life, good and bad, it would probably be this blog. Although lately it may sound like I've been bragging (do you think so? LOL), I didn't mean to. Of course I have a lot of concerns in my life, problems (not so much actually, remembering I have always tried to follow the rules), but I realize writing about bad stuffs doesn't really do any good for you.
It is understandable that sometimes you want to express your sadness, your disappointment, etc, but this just triggered the negativity in your life. At least that what I think. That's why most of the times I like to write about good, sweet things happening in my life. It's not really for imaging (baca: pencitraan. LOL) but it's more for my mental healthiness.
That's the same when I want to share my unluckiness with my friends. It is good at one point to get a support of the problems you're facing. But whether your feelings will get better or not also depends on who responds to it. Some friends, I realized, just make it even worse. They didn't offer some kind of consolation, instead, they made us feel even worse and worthless. LOL. Or sometimes they didn't care as much, so they didn't even respond well to it. So what's the point of sharing the bad stuffs?
Although I know some people that would listen to my concerns and respond well to it. My BF is one of them, hence I like to share it with him. Such a sweetheart. Other people would be mostly my family, my parents especially. Although I don't really share everything in my life with them. They are not so open minded, I think. But when it comes to career, education, I would share it with them of course.
It is understandable that sometimes you want to express your sadness, your disappointment, etc, but this just triggered the negativity in your life. At least that what I think. That's why most of the times I like to write about good, sweet things happening in my life. It's not really for imaging (baca: pencitraan. LOL) but it's more for my mental healthiness.
That's the same when I want to share my unluckiness with my friends. It is good at one point to get a support of the problems you're facing. But whether your feelings will get better or not also depends on who responds to it. Some friends, I realized, just make it even worse. They didn't offer some kind of consolation, instead, they made us feel even worse and worthless. LOL. Or sometimes they didn't care as much, so they didn't even respond well to it. So what's the point of sharing the bad stuffs?
Although I know some people that would listen to my concerns and respond well to it. My BF is one of them, hence I like to share it with him. Such a sweetheart. Other people would be mostly my family, my parents especially. Although I don't really share everything in my life with them. They are not so open minded, I think. But when it comes to career, education, I would share it with them of course.
Saturday, January 14, 2017
Looking back..
Yesterday my BF said,
"this is your first time falling in love.. I've been there before, so I'm wary.."
"No.. I've always loved people. They just never reciprocated"
"Well.. since our love is mutual, that's making it stronger"
***
That's true. The part where "they never reciprocated". I was in quite a few relationships before, if you can call so. But I just realized now that most of them are jack-asses?! Not because it's over now that I talk shit about it, but that's how it was. None of them were being really real to me. In the end just taking advantages because I loved them so much. But one person that I can say was the meanest of all must be my Ex "H". I mostly talked about him back in 2013.
Somehow I found out some of my conversation with him back in 2014 I think, after he's missing for a year without explanation. OMG that guy was so so so piece of shit you know. Like most of the things he said to me is a B.S. He would be a perfect example of a NATO people. No Action Talk Only.
Some of the "promises" he said to me that never happened:
- He would be coming to Jakarta every month or 2 months to see me (after he's transferred to another country)
- He would come to my brother's wedding and meet my family (back in 2014)
- He would eventually see me in Colorado back in October 2015
- He would skype with me
not to mention he stood me up numerous times during our togetherness in Jakarta. Like he would make a vague appointment with me and by the time we were supposed to meet, he would give so many excuses like he's sick, he needed to go somewhere, he didn't feel like going anymore because of the traffic. OMG. I know, I know, how stupid I was. Even one time he suddenly said he needed to go to England for his friend's wedding (very very last minute) on our "supposedly" dating day?! He sent me his boarding pass and such, but seriously....
And I don't know (until now) what was his problem, really. Is he mentally ill? Like how do you think someone can treat someone else like that? Giving false hope everytime only to break it and disappearing without any explanation. Zero. Of course it was my fault too, to give him that chances. Well, I was a lot younger at that time and I've never met someone "walk the talk" until now. I would show some of my chat with him in 2014 I think, after he disappeared and tried to get back together. Which of course never happens. I don't even know if he is still alive by now. Last time I was in touch with him was probably in October 2015 when he said he was gonna fly and see me here. And... went radio silent. Crazy.
"this is your first time falling in love.. I've been there before, so I'm wary.."
"No.. I've always loved people. They just never reciprocated"
"Well.. since our love is mutual, that's making it stronger"
***
That's true. The part where "they never reciprocated". I was in quite a few relationships before, if you can call so. But I just realized now that most of them are jack-asses?! Not because it's over now that I talk shit about it, but that's how it was. None of them were being really real to me. In the end just taking advantages because I loved them so much. But one person that I can say was the meanest of all must be my Ex "H". I mostly talked about him back in 2013.
Somehow I found out some of my conversation with him back in 2014 I think, after he's missing for a year without explanation. OMG that guy was so so so piece of shit you know. Like most of the things he said to me is a B.S. He would be a perfect example of a NATO people. No Action Talk Only.
Some of the "promises" he said to me that never happened:
- He would be coming to Jakarta every month or 2 months to see me (after he's transferred to another country)
- He would come to my brother's wedding and meet my family (back in 2014)
- He would eventually see me in Colorado back in October 2015
- He would skype with me
not to mention he stood me up numerous times during our togetherness in Jakarta. Like he would make a vague appointment with me and by the time we were supposed to meet, he would give so many excuses like he's sick, he needed to go somewhere, he didn't feel like going anymore because of the traffic. OMG. I know, I know, how stupid I was. Even one time he suddenly said he needed to go to England for his friend's wedding (very very last minute) on our "supposedly" dating day?! He sent me his boarding pass and such, but seriously....
And I don't know (until now) what was his problem, really. Is he mentally ill? Like how do you think someone can treat someone else like that? Giving false hope everytime only to break it and disappearing without any explanation. Zero. Of course it was my fault too, to give him that chances. Well, I was a lot younger at that time and I've never met someone "walk the talk" until now. I would show some of my chat with him in 2014 I think, after he disappeared and tried to get back together. Which of course never happens. I don't even know if he is still alive by now. Last time I was in touch with him was probably in October 2015 when he said he was gonna fly and see me here. And... went radio silent. Crazy.
It is actually pretty embarrassing to show all of these again, cause what's the point, this guy just lied all.the.time. But yea, that's pretty much stuffs he said that still gave me false hopes, towards the end. But from those snapshots you can see how stupid I was LOL. Like a giggly girl just swallowing every words he said. Sometimes I think I thought he really was into me because he would shower me with expensive gifts. Perfumes, cellphone (newest iphone at that time), a holiday trip to Bali in a REALLY nice place, etc. Always took me to a nice place for a meal, like fancy hotels for brunches, dinners. NEVER let me pay.
That is probably very very shallow. I know it is very nice to get a gift from someone important to you, but that is ultimately not a guarantee. My BF right now never really showered me with that kind of stuffs, of course. I know his limitation. Yet with his limitation he still did things for me that make me feel like I've been given something so expensive. Oh wait, genuine care and love are indeed expensive :)
Oh well.. lessons learned, everybody!
Wednesday, December 28, 2016
2016 going to 2017
Oh my goodness, it is already almost 2017! Meaning soon I will be 29. Still 20 something, but... well.. all I realize is that no one will ever tell me "oh you are so young" anymore. Well.. except they are 70+ maybe. LOL.
A little bit of flashback about this year, I met my boyfriend exactly one year ago. Did not think that it was gonna be something serious, at all. He wrote his email address and phone number on a paper and left it on my bedroom the day before he left for Austin (he was staying at his mom's house a.k.a my landlord for Christmas). So cute. We ended up talking, emailing and then decided to meet couple of times more after that. Although it is a long distance relationship, I think it is bitter sweet times. Everytime we're together, we are always like a new couple again. I remember when he came to me in Dallas during SEG week, we were having lunch at this Indian place. We were holding hands and staring at each others the whole time that the waitresses said "oh what a love birds...." not in a sarcastic way. Hahhaaha,... I think the LDR thing is one thing that encourages it. Although we are naturally sweet to each other too.
After summer I told his mom that we have been dating the whole time, which really surprised her but she of course was happy about that. She always wanted to match us up anyway.. I was with another guy too for a really brief time, but now I am really sure what we have is different from me and my BF.
Honestly this year is so full of my relationship with my BF and he feels the same way. He was like, "frankly, lately I have been busy talking to you all the time (on the phone)". Hahahaha.. I've been calling him all the time way more than his mom.
Other than that, I've been busy with school, made some progress with my research, finished my classes. Last semester (that just ended) I got 4.0, finally. Although I still had 2 courses that were A-, which was so annoying. So cumulatively it is 3.93 now instead of 4.0. Oh well... that's fine I guess.
I am thinking to continue to PhD, although it is really something I never thought about before. But there's a lot of reasons behind it. Well.. I guess we will see what I will end up doing eventually.
Was talking with my BF about the possibility of us getting married, which is actually really really weird to discuss. Well, first, we've just been dating for a year, long distance, and we have A LOT of differences. But I guess the more we spend time together, the more those difference become less significant. Oh well.. I don't know. I guess talking about it doesn't really mean we are going to do anything soon.
One more thing is, what I really want is honestly to go back earning a lot of money and live with my love. I've been incredibly happy every time I'm with him, so I guess it should be something right.
In the end, I just hope for the best for 2017. Hopefully everything goes as planned, graduate from Masters on May, and see what happens next.
Ciao!
A little bit of flashback about this year, I met my boyfriend exactly one year ago. Did not think that it was gonna be something serious, at all. He wrote his email address and phone number on a paper and left it on my bedroom the day before he left for Austin (he was staying at his mom's house a.k.a my landlord for Christmas). So cute. We ended up talking, emailing and then decided to meet couple of times more after that. Although it is a long distance relationship, I think it is bitter sweet times. Everytime we're together, we are always like a new couple again. I remember when he came to me in Dallas during SEG week, we were having lunch at this Indian place. We were holding hands and staring at each others the whole time that the waitresses said "oh what a love birds...." not in a sarcastic way. Hahhaaha,... I think the LDR thing is one thing that encourages it. Although we are naturally sweet to each other too.
After summer I told his mom that we have been dating the whole time, which really surprised her but she of course was happy about that. She always wanted to match us up anyway.. I was with another guy too for a really brief time, but now I am really sure what we have is different from me and my BF.
Honestly this year is so full of my relationship with my BF and he feels the same way. He was like, "frankly, lately I have been busy talking to you all the time (on the phone)". Hahahaha.. I've been calling him all the time way more than his mom.
Other than that, I've been busy with school, made some progress with my research, finished my classes. Last semester (that just ended) I got 4.0, finally. Although I still had 2 courses that were A-, which was so annoying. So cumulatively it is 3.93 now instead of 4.0. Oh well... that's fine I guess.
I am thinking to continue to PhD, although it is really something I never thought about before. But there's a lot of reasons behind it. Well.. I guess we will see what I will end up doing eventually.
Was talking with my BF about the possibility of us getting married, which is actually really really weird to discuss. Well, first, we've just been dating for a year, long distance, and we have A LOT of differences. But I guess the more we spend time together, the more those difference become less significant. Oh well.. I don't know. I guess talking about it doesn't really mean we are going to do anything soon.
One more thing is, what I really want is honestly to go back earning a lot of money and live with my love. I've been incredibly happy every time I'm with him, so I guess it should be something right.
In the end, I just hope for the best for 2017. Hopefully everything goes as planned, graduate from Masters on May, and see what happens next.
Ciao!
Tuesday, December 27, 2016
Merry Christmas!
So this is my second Christmas time with my love. First Xmas was when we actually knew each other for the first time. Haha... We didn't really do much at the day. But it was pretty memorable :)
We went to Austin.. Met his friend that helps with his movies, and then we ate food trucks thingy at some park. It was a beautiful place.. We were going to eat at his favourite vegetarian place "Bouldin Creek" but of course it was closed during Christmas day. Were going to Whole Foods for grocery shopping but again, it was closed. Oh we were also planning to go to art gallery cause he was gonna purchase some painting, buttt... of course it was closed.
Oh BTW I'm talking about the 24th of December. So then we went back to Elgin, went to a sport bar which was not very impressive place. We were just killing time before the midnight mass. And... we went to the mass by the bicycle. I was so touched :) He was actually more Catholic than me, at that time. Haha.. He is not a Catholic, but his mom is. So he is pretty familiar with the ritual, and not hesitant to follow it. Well,, and it was Christmas. Not like I encourage him to go to church every week with me.. Or maybe one day.
The real Christmas day we did not do much either. Was just going to the country side because he was wanting to take pictures of the potential places for his next movie. And... at the very late night I insisted on taking picture in front of the Christmas Tree.
Anyway... We were looking at the photos again yesterday (26th) and he felt bad. He was like.. "I will fix the lighting for you.. tomorrow we will take the same picture again.."
:')
All I want for Christmas is you... *cheesy mode on*
We went to Austin.. Met his friend that helps with his movies, and then we ate food trucks thingy at some park. It was a beautiful place.. We were going to eat at his favourite vegetarian place "Bouldin Creek" but of course it was closed during Christmas day. Were going to Whole Foods for grocery shopping but again, it was closed. Oh we were also planning to go to art gallery cause he was gonna purchase some painting, buttt... of course it was closed.
Oh BTW I'm talking about the 24th of December. So then we went back to Elgin, went to a sport bar which was not very impressive place. We were just killing time before the midnight mass. And... we went to the mass by the bicycle. I was so touched :) He was actually more Catholic than me, at that time. Haha.. He is not a Catholic, but his mom is. So he is pretty familiar with the ritual, and not hesitant to follow it. Well,, and it was Christmas. Not like I encourage him to go to church every week with me.. Or maybe one day.
The real Christmas day we did not do much either. Was just going to the country side because he was wanting to take pictures of the potential places for his next movie. And... at the very late night I insisted on taking picture in front of the Christmas Tree.
 |
| Bae when I was trying out the lighting |
 |
| Turned out to be pretty dark LOL |
:')
All I want for Christmas is you... *cheesy mode on*
Monday, December 12, 2016
Indifferent
Sometimes I think, I'm pretty indifferent when it comes to friendship and family..
Kalo bahasa Indonya, "cuek"...
I wish I could feel the same about love relationship, you know.
It is pretty interesting though that most friendships I have, are pretty loyal to me. As far as I know, most of my closest friends are still in touch with me most of the times. Unlike some people that I know, that basically told me they kinda lose their friendships. It just faded away or something. For me, to be honest, I don't care about it that much. I know it sounds super cocky, and excuse me for that. But really, I never really felt the fear of losing friendships. Or probably I don't care about it that much. But the funny thing is, the more I don't care about it that much, the more they are sticking with me.
Of course I still put some efforts on it, though. Like trying to meet up when they insist. I will make time and such. But I never really take things personally with them. Or maybe sometimes I did, but not much.
I somehow think, "there are still plenty of fish in the sea" in terms of friendship.
I guess when it comes to friendship, I'm a pretty fun person. LOL I know this again sounds super-cocky. But that is true. Unlike love relationship where I kinda "lose" my self and try to look better than I am, with friendships I am always myself. Which includes my indifference, my craziness, my "easy-going"ness and just be me.
Yea I know.. I wish I could really apply it to my love relationship, instead! ;P
Kalo bahasa Indonya, "cuek"...
I wish I could feel the same about love relationship, you know.
It is pretty interesting though that most friendships I have, are pretty loyal to me. As far as I know, most of my closest friends are still in touch with me most of the times. Unlike some people that I know, that basically told me they kinda lose their friendships. It just faded away or something. For me, to be honest, I don't care about it that much. I know it sounds super cocky, and excuse me for that. But really, I never really felt the fear of losing friendships. Or probably I don't care about it that much. But the funny thing is, the more I don't care about it that much, the more they are sticking with me.
Of course I still put some efforts on it, though. Like trying to meet up when they insist. I will make time and such. But I never really take things personally with them. Or maybe sometimes I did, but not much.
I somehow think, "there are still plenty of fish in the sea" in terms of friendship.
I guess when it comes to friendship, I'm a pretty fun person. LOL I know this again sounds super-cocky. But that is true. Unlike love relationship where I kinda "lose" my self and try to look better than I am, with friendships I am always myself. Which includes my indifference, my craziness, my "easy-going"ness and just be me.
Yea I know.. I wish I could really apply it to my love relationship, instead! ;P
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)