Changes and answer

I forgot where did I read something like this,
"you can't change people".

Which can be right, can also be totally wrong.

Maybe the better saying would be,
"don't expect to change people, or expect people to change because of you"

Just simply don't expect. But could they change? Absolutely!

In fact, when I observe everywhere, everyone around me, including ME myself, I realized that all of us changed.

Some of the words, the thoughts I wrote in the past, the ones that I said I dislike, I did it eventually.

Contoh lain yang agak simpel,

dulu gue suka banget ama duren. Sekarang? Boro-boro! Sampe si mamah bilang, "dulu pdhal kamu suka... mama dulu hamil kamu makan banyak banget duren" >>mungkin kecewa anak gadisnya telah berubah

Perubahan kayak gitu ga penting2 amat sih, hihi.. But the point is, we change. Which sometimes is hard to accept, don't you think?
What will come across your mind at first: Why? Why people change? Why can't you just stay the same? Why did you break the rules/promises you said?

And then come another answer:
Not all of the things have the answer, you know?

Why people are so eager to find the answer of everything?

Why sky is blue?

Why earth is round?

Why are we alive?

What is the purpose of life?

Why did I get through all of that?

and then we create our own answer, which may not be the answer, but we just like to think THAT is the answer.

Maybe.. sometimes.. it is OK not to get an answer. As simple as that.

Pleasing Everyone

One moment I was thinking..

Part of growing up is, realizing that you become more aware about something you did not care about at all previously (social, economic, politic maybe) and care less about something that you actually don't need to think about. But maybe you did, in the past.

I came also to the point that it is totally OK not to please everyone, it is OK to have someone disliking you, or maybe even hating you.
Why bother thinking about them anyway? If you have others (which I assume would be in a larger number of people) that love you just the way you are. And they won't be irritated by a simple thing you do.

I maybe am not at that point quite yet, but I um, tutor myself into that.

Part of growing up is also, try to simplify as many things as possible, enjoy what things you really do enjoy instead of doing things you think people might think that's cool.

I think what I'm trying to say is that,

love yourself more,
cherish it,
respect it.

Why do I add the "respect" formula into it?
Cause I realized also, that if you only love yourself so much and want to please yourself everytime you have a chance, without "respecting it", you will find later yourself doing things out of the boundary.

That happens a lot to people, you know.

People who starts to behave "this is MY way not yours" but then, look at them and think, do they have any respects to theirselves? I don't think so.

That's just, I can say, a totally selfish behaviour in such a short-time temptation *apadeh sel bahasa lo kedaleman keknya*

Itu aja sih,

mau nggacor lebih banyak lagi tapi ntar jadi kemana mana :D

Could the (almost) impossible thing become possible?

I have a big dream to pursue,
and at this moment now, it gets louder and louder inside my mind that pushes me to GRAB IT SOON

Yes, Sheila.
Don't always make excuses like "Oh well .. I'm still preparing for blablablaa"
Just do it, I guess. Now or never.

On the way to pursue it sometimes I get hesitant, anxious, doubting my self. Sometimes I would think , "man.. that sounds like a LOT of WORK"

But then just last night I was thinking.
I was thinking about how I got here now. My position, my life.

How I got into ITB.

Reminds me of one of my teachers in high school. At that time I was already admitted into Unpar for Industrial Engineering study program. Already paid all of the fees, since I was the first batch at that time. No return. Suddenly one of my teacher asked me
"Sheila, are you going to do the SPMB test?"
"huh? Nope, Pak. I already got a school. "
"Oh well.. that's a shame. I'm sure you will get accepted if you try"

That exactly words got into my mind very deeply. I was thinking.. Well.. Why not trying? Nothing to lose anyways. I asked my family (I swear I'm not writing this to show how cocky I was, LOL, but this is exactly what happened), "mm.. what's the best public school then? is ITB good?"
My brother gave me a bitter laugh.. "Are u seriously asking that? It's HARD to get into that school. Of course it's good"
I was like, "OK, challenge accepted!"

I was practicing all the exercises using one of the book I bought in a bookstore. Day and night, no "test preparation" kind of thing, cause well, as what I said, it was nothing to lose.
I did the test in Bandung, thinking I was screwed up because I left almost half of the exams "blank", LOL. And I got admitted :)
It was awesome to remember that moment again.. It was probably one of the very best night of my life, the night I got the SPMB result. The moment which directed my life into what I've become right now.

Secondly was the time I got my job right now. I remember the time I got the internship opportunity, in Jakarta. One of my seniors told me "if you got the internship in Jakarta, you have to communicate in full English. Cause most of the employees there are expats. You have to do the presentation in English as well."
I was like.. "DIE ME"
Yet... turned out it was totally OK. There was a bit of rocky steps to go through during the hiring process (which left me hanging and stressed in +- 3 months), but I just passed it all behind right now. I mean, I'm still survived, aren't I?

This is just to remind myself (again and again), there's no such thing as "Too much work... I'll just go the easier one"
No.
You WANT it, you WORK on it, you GET it.
No HARD thing, it was just your decision, either being too lazy, or SELF DETERMINED enough to get it?

Woosha..

May God bless me and my dream :)