The dreams that almost got forgotten

I am at the moment of my life, where I feel sooooo belong in here.
Work life, awesome.
Social life, even better than that.

I feel soooo comfortable here that when someone asked me, "so, what about your plan to go to school?"
aannndd... I started to make bunch of excuses.

"well... now I kinda think, what's really the point of that? I can still pursue a good career here..." and so on.

Yesterday that was exactly what happened. And somehow from the conversation with one of the colleague (who reaaalllyy encourage me to do it as soon as possible), I just felt like I was awoken from my sleep.

Come on, Sheila.

Afterall, it was what you have always wanted.

And this thing you do now? Will be nothing compare to what you could achieve later. If you're just willing to work your ass off a lil bit more.

So I began to write a good (hopefully persuasive) letter to the professor.

I was thinking, nothing to lose anyway. He must be a really busy guy too.

....


....


dududuu....


and this morning I got the reply immediately.

From a guy who I believe MUST be very busy.

And know what? It was a reeaalllyy positive response that I thought it was too good to be true.

One of the sentence he said,

"You have the type of experience we hope for in students in RCP so you are in a good position to apply."

I'm going to faint.
But first, maybe I need to work my ass off a liiiiittleeeee bit more :D

To Survive

If you ask someone, what is the purpose of their life? The answer will be a lot. But recently I was just thinking, the real answer is actually just to survive.

That is why when someone can't survive anymore, the choice is nowhere but to, give up the life?

Mention some of the things like,
1. Working
2. Have a family
3. Eat
4. Drink
5. Sleep
6. Leisure time
7. Traveling
8. Shopping
9. Pampering
10. Socialize

Aren't all of things what people do in order to survive the life?

Or maybe slightly better than just "to survive" (if you can afford most of the things), is to survive and be content about it.
You should feel content.
If not, than you will complain and seek for other things to satisfy your hunger. And usually, it is something bad.

This makes me questioning again,
why do we want to survive the life and feel content about it? Why are we here at the first place?
Why then we create another human being to survive the life they didn't ask for?

To make us feel content, no?

After all it is a cycle. That is why people then say, you can only live once. Why making it difficult?

You have survived.

Probably better than most people.

Just one or two things are not fulfilled in your life.

But don't make it too difficult to please yourself ;)

Listing a broken heart

I am back to the state again.
Might not be as hard as some previous ones happened. But still..

The same kind of feeling.

Longing.

Missing.

Deep down loving.

Makes me wanna write down some of it that I can still remember.

First: the very first boyfriend. Gave me the biggest break up ever. One, because I was at the most naive condition I have ever been. Two, I was just in love, for the first time. Thinking it would last forever. Pain scale: 9/10. I was crying basically everyday for months. Felt like someone stabbed on my chest, and it felt so damn real.

Second: this is probably just a minor heartbreak. Bcos he was just my rebound afterall. But still kinda suck cos he just faded away.. when I was just started to really like him.

Third: Second biggest heart break ever. Time to (kinda) move on: 2 years? He is the love of my life.

Fourth: a rebound for 2 weeks which ended up becoming a good friend of mine. It was hurrttt cos not long after that he found someone else. But they broke up too eventually, which kinda make me happy :D LOL. I know that sounds mean.

Fifth: not a rebound anymore and I reaaallllyyy liked him. Head to toe. He was super sweet for 1.5 mths, adoring me etc. I was swept off the floor. I thought this one could be different, somehow. But later it became a disaster. He who was adoring me, ended up dragging me down to the deepest hell (quite dramatic expression ;P). Saying things that hurt me really bad that kinda makes me traumatized for some time. Lesson learnt: a lot! one of em, don't trust the outlook. at all.

Sixth: a mistake. but what is not a mistake? That it didn't last long at all. Plus not much connection happened between us either. I was just quite shocked cause it stopped when I was just craving for more.

Seventh: most recent one. Big big mistake. It is just a mistake I can't avoid. Hard to avoid. But am trying to. One thing for sure that I keep on reminding myself, it won't be as bad as the ones before. I would be OK

Feelings = illusion

You know what could have been the biggest illusion ever? Feelings!

Remember the time when you feel soooo much in love with someone? You can hardly think! Somehow you become irrational. You feel soooo lonely when she/he is not there for you. You can't live with them. Every songs/places remind you bout them.

Let's say you have the cure in the end called "time".

When in doubt? Just give it time. That's one of the wise words I heard before.

After giving yourself time, and let's say you meet someone else, or you have other things to think about, and you move on.
You look back and think, "what the heck was that?"
"Why was I so stupid like that?"
"Come on, I was in love with someone like that?"

So if you realllyyyy think bout it again and deeply.

It was all just an illusion. It's just in your head.