Pelit

I think naturally I'm a cheapo. I'm pretty generous for myself, but pretty cheap for someone else. I know, I know, that's not very good of me. Oh well actually I'm pretty generous for my boyfriend as well. So yea.. depends I guess.

Recently I've been spending a lot of money especially for my car. The main reason is because I'm trying to be very careful to drive my car for 1K miles from CO to CA. Of course I don't want anything bad happens during my trip, especially because this will be my very first time driving that far BY MYSELF! Pretty daunting yet exciting. Anyway, I spent money for my windshield ($250), additional tire ($130), oil change ($30) and now new battery!! ($130). Aw man....

I also try to convince myself, always, that it is better to be safe than sorry. Very true! Sometimes we try to be very cheap and something happen that requires us to spend even more! Similar thing happened to my ex-bf, his car just broke down and got towed, couldn't get fixed so he needed to just buy brand new. All because his car was already a junk yet he tried to prolong the usage. Anyway.... That's my story!

Wondering about life

I wonder why life is so full of sadness and disappointment. Unfairness. You name it. I wish I was a more positive person in living my life. Full of joy. Dish out every little thing and looking forward for a brighter future. My feelings have been up and down very quickly lately. Of course most of it is caused by my love life. A total disappointment. One minute I feel so motivated and think about it as a little thing that is not supposedly bother me, but the other minute I could feel so down and teared myself. I wonder if it is an anger or sadness. Can't really tell. I think it is a lot of disappointment. Expectation that has been tackled down. I realized it is not only me that encountered this kind of problems in life. To be fair, in general my life has been easy. So, I shouldn't complain too much. What bugging my mind is, why we kept on facing this kind of disappointment? And even more, why we disappoint ourselves? One thing I also realize lately is that I expect something from someone and they can't fulfill it. That leads to disappointment. But on the other hand, I also cannot fulfill what is expected from me. No matter how hard I tried, it is just me, a person that is not compatible to him.

Gosh I really need to move on from this bullshit.

Updates..updates..

Been quite sometime since the last time I wrote. Love life is just pretty roller coaster-y with my ex-bae. So... we still talk to each other almost everyday. Almost like nothing happened. One time I knew he was dating this other girl also, and I was just FLIPPED. And... now we are good again. ON and OFF like that dunno until when. Only God knows. Just last night he promised to call me and he fell asleep! Gosh I was sooo pissed (because I was anticipating his call) and I wrote him pretty nasty email. Well, kinda like 15% nasty. He replied immediately this morning and called me. He was so sorry and will make sure he calls me tonight. One thing that kinda struck me was that, he was not mad at all for my email. I mean, yea it was his fault. But somehow I feel like he becomes more understanding of myself? I will usually get super angry and cool down almost right away. Anywaay... I dunno.

On the side note, will soon go to Bakersfield California for my internship. Pretty excited and nervous at the same time. Hope I can break a leg and get hired as a permanent employee eventually! AMEN!