I am not prepared

to a failure.

Nope.

Not.

Just not.

And here I am now waiting, whether I will be succeeded on this one thing or not. Cause if not, I just don't have the picture, of what my life would look like in the future.

OK probably that sounds a bit exaggerated.

But the thing is, I want this sooo so bad that all I can think of is, that's the only thing I would be chasing at this moment. If I failed? Well.. I would probably just continue my life like I'm doing now, which I don't really want to do anymore. At this moment at least.

I wanna escape. From several things. And continue a whole new life out there. That's all.

You know, I've been thinking lately, that probably (or surely?) some things that we cannot have (which we know already that it's bad for us), are not meant for us. It was meant to be someone else's, cause God saved us from it. Saved us from this bad bad things. While in the future we will look back and say, I know why I couldn't have that at that time.

So, yea.

Aside from that thought, here I'm just waiting and waiting....

the Job

I know sometimes I would say things like, "oh why it's Monday already?" "why the holiday is over?" "I want holidaaaayyy"
etc

But actually, this job is what keeps me alive. Like, literally. I could buy what I want to buy or need to buy, because of this.
I could distract myself from my personal problem, because of this.
I could do something, mean something, all because of this job.

I honestly don't know what would I do or end up doing if I didn't have this job.

Recently many people got laid off from their jobs because of the oil and gas crisis. Me and other friends might feel terrible bout it, feel sorry for them, etc. But we actually didn't really know how they feel exactly. If it were me, oh God.. I just couldn't imagine it.

So, thanks God for still letting me do my job, have this job, go to work everyday. not lacking of anything. Could save some for my life, I know sometimes I just forgot how to be grateful in a proper way. All I usually think of is how miserable some other part of my life. But seriously, what could I ask for more?

:)

I just found

a blog that I really like..

This is the type of writing that I enjoy reading, apparently..

www.markmanson.net