Four more months

and I will be 30. Gosh... Isn't that pretty crazy? LOL.
I'm actually pretty proud of myself to be at this point in my (upcoming) 30. So far I have accomplished:
- 5 years of working experience as a geophysicist (hasn't wasted any fricking time of my life, doing something else)
- Master's degree (in geophysics) from a great school in the US
- Have 1 apartment in Jakarta that is actively being rented (walopun yaaaa... apartment gitu2 ajeee sichh)
- And now I have very secured job with good income in the States, can afford a really comfortable life as well.

Again... I don't expect anyone to read my blog anyways, so, sorry if it sounds very bragging LMAO.
I just write this solely for myself.

Of course as a common people living in this world, there is something I haven't yet accomplished, which is getting married and have kids. But then, it makes me think again, well.... would I still have all of those things I mentioned earlier, if I had kids? Maybe not... I never intentionally avoid having a family, you know. I would probably be married with kids now if any of my past relationships worked out well for me. But then... I think again, maybe God made it failed, so I can achieve all of the things I have at the moment? Right?

 A friend of mine is visiting me in Bako at the moment. Very similar to me, single and mingle, independent and all sort of shits. But she doesn't want to have kids. LOL. That's a rarity. I wish I had that thought so then supposedly I don't have to worry about anything at this moment. And I even now think, do I really want to have kids (eventually), or is it because the society makes me believe that I want to have kids? But then again.... why many people complained about how having kids interfere with their dreams? I have friends that always complain how they miss their lives when they're single, and I believe that. I think, in the end, it's not really black and white, you know. It's not like a winning or losing whenever you choose something between those two, although people always try to do that. But then again, I look at my own family. I am a very very cold daughter in the family, I think. Hahahaha... I mean, I'm really not a lovey dovey daughter and I think I blame my parents for that. I'm never used to that. And now, I try to get as far as possible from home, without ever thinking that I miss my home. Never. Well, I miss the food. That's all. But being away from home is a fucking bliss.

So anyways, looking at my own life, I think, would I want to raise kids with all of those sacrificed money and time, and let them just go very far away from home? With very minimum contact (cos I hate phone calls). For what? To be proud that my kids (supposedly) are successful in their life? What is the point of all of that?

So technically I will sacrifice my dreams, spending most of money and time to raise kids, and then watch them having their own fricking lives. Aren't that pretty nuts? But also not. I dunno. I think when you have kids, you just gotta accept anything no matter what. Cos again, the kids didn't ask you to be born to begin with.

Easily Annoyed

I am so easily annoyed. Especially by single guys. That I'm not attracted to. Yet very persistent.

I don't like to have guy friends that look like he wants to date me at some point. That's why I usually like to be friends with taken guys (that absolutely have no interests in me more than friendship) or gay guys. Or closeted gay guys.

Single guys. Gosh..... I can't even explain how ANNOYED I am by them. Cos, dudes, if I want to date you, trust me, I will make it very clear. You texting me many times with so many HINTS just make me very very very annoyed.

There is this one guy that constantly texting me, every couple of days. And mostly the conversation is not even important. And he is taken, that's why I kinda entertained him. But then lately his relationship is getting bad and he is texting me more and more. And one time I talked about guys in my life, and you know what he said?
"um.. may I ask you why are you telling me this?"

:|

Um... making conversation dumbass... I'm not trying to make you jealous or anything helloo....???

Another guy friend of mine constantly trying to ask me to go traveling with him. And I don't even like him as a friend >> super dramatic, possessive, sensitive, you name it. I don't like you. I just don't. Hello? Is it not clear?
I said, "well.. wouldn't it be awkward if we travel just two of us?">> my way of saying "NO" in a nicer way.
Him: "Sheila... you're not a stranger." >> I know he starts to get irritated by my response.

GODAMNIT just leave me alone, yes you you and you who I don't want to be close to.

Random thoughts and fun plans

So at this moment I'm randomly thinking bout something. Do you know the feelings when you are broken hearted by someone and think that that person is so so awful and hurting you personally? Like intentionally hurting you and such. Like they find joy in your tears, etc etc. Well, sometimes, when you are somebody outside that relationship, you can see that actually it may not be personal. Like, that person just didn't have other choice than to hurt you. They probably didn't want to hurt you but they had to do it in order to get what they wanted (which wasn't you). You know?

Well... this morning I'm thinking. It may actually be the opposite, for some people. For example, my long time ex. An ex that hasn't even got married til this day (and he's like, 45 maybe now?). Anyways.. I think he is a little psycho or maybe just super immature. Too long to explain here.. But that's my conclusions after our latest conversation. Yes I still talk to him every now and then altho I don't want to get back to him at this point. Phew.. just glad I'm no longer associated with him or have my feelings affected by him.

On another note, I'm pretty excited for upcoming plans that I have. Portland in a few days, and Las Vegas in less than 3 weeks. And.. possibly Hawaii in a month? Not sure.. depending on a friend of mine. But.... yesterday I went out with this friend and somehow had some concerns now :\
She was so mean to the waitress at the restaurant we went to. That kinda threw me off a little bit. Oh well... we will see....We may not travel together after all, LOL..

Life has been pretty good for me. Not awesome. Altho I don't even know if awesomeness lasts for long period of time. I think it comes once a while. Just gotta be grateful that it is "good" life instead of "awful". Right?