I texted one of my friends that got married couple of years ago (not very long ago),
"hey X, why I haven't seen you with your wife anymore? I guess I'd rather ask you directly than asking other people, right?"
I know that kinda sound very nosy of me LOL, but well, I've just been curious. I even noticed they are not friends anymore on social media.
My friend, "yes.. I have been divorced. She cheated on me and now getting married again"
WHAT.IN.THE.HELL?
I remember their wedding party was pretty big. Even if I got married one day with someone I really love, except he's rich, I wouldn't make that big of a wedding. Anyywaay... long story short he said the ex-wife married him not because of love, but because of something else (not sure what it is). I actually kinda sensed it even before they got married. Not that I know the wife well, not at all, only do "cipika cipiki" when we see each other. I'm not even sure she remembers me. LOL. Maybe not. But yea, from my friend's story before they got married, the ex-wife was kinda suspicious, like always trying to be secretive, not allowing my friend to look at her phone, putting it on "airplane mode" whenever she left the phone unattended, etc. Weird huh? That's why me and my other friends were shaking our head when he finally got married, in such a "hurry" mode.
Anywaay again, back to the part where "she didn't get married because of love", OMG? How can even someone do that? Like, how nuts are you? I know some people said love can grow after the marriage itself. But, seriously? OK maybe I'm being too judgmental now as I haven't been married at all myself, but I just can't imagine getting into a marriage without love. Might as well become a single person forever! Marriage WITH love itself is already hard, I believe. Imagine being in it WITHOUT love. Hell!
Oh well, I guess people are different. Some thinks that their priority in life might not be the love itself, can be their "image" in front of the public, money, position, etc. I just can hope I won't be one of it one day!
Saturday, January 21, 2017
Monday, January 16, 2017
I am blessed
Just now I feel really blessed, despite several "plans" that were not working in my life. Back in 2014 I finally decided to make a move, to apply to graduate school in the U.S. I have always wanted to study abroad, experiencing how is it to live very far away from home, talk in your second language every single day, do a grocery shopping every couple of days in a country you are not familiar with, and so on.
I loved traveling, still do, yet every time I travelled, it was never more than 2 weeks. And what did I get? Pictures, yes. Beautiful ones. Some information about the places, yes. But experience wise, it is not nearly as close to when you actually live there.
Other than that reason, I also want to "bump up" my earnings. I got decent salary, yes. But remembering me as an impatient person, I want to earn moreee.. a lot more. And I didn't want to wait. I had to do something. I have to study abroad, get a masters, and work overseas. At least that was what I thought. Did it go as planned? Nope, not yet. Who would have predicted that the oil prices went down, to the deepest fall? I'm sure, if the situation was not like this, I could have had a job here, in a heartbeat. I'm sure of that.
Oh well... but who could have known, right? That's life. One time you think you got it, and Life says "nope..".
But I'm still feeling blessed, you know. I get to meet people that are so so amazing here. Life is not as easy as back in my home country, but man.. this is very much meaningful. And in the end, why would you want "easy" life? Do you want to grow old thinking, "is that it?"?
I am also blessed to have my family that support me no matter what. I think not all family would do that. I know it must be hard to allow your kids, especially the only daughter of the family, to live thousand miles away from home. *although my mom kinda likes it, as an excuse for her to travel here LOL*
And last but not least.. I'm blessed to have met my love :)
I loved traveling, still do, yet every time I travelled, it was never more than 2 weeks. And what did I get? Pictures, yes. Beautiful ones. Some information about the places, yes. But experience wise, it is not nearly as close to when you actually live there.
Other than that reason, I also want to "bump up" my earnings. I got decent salary, yes. But remembering me as an impatient person, I want to earn moreee.. a lot more. And I didn't want to wait. I had to do something. I have to study abroad, get a masters, and work overseas. At least that was what I thought. Did it go as planned? Nope, not yet. Who would have predicted that the oil prices went down, to the deepest fall? I'm sure, if the situation was not like this, I could have had a job here, in a heartbeat. I'm sure of that.
Oh well... but who could have known, right? That's life. One time you think you got it, and Life says "nope..".
But I'm still feeling blessed, you know. I get to meet people that are so so amazing here. Life is not as easy as back in my home country, but man.. this is very much meaningful. And in the end, why would you want "easy" life? Do you want to grow old thinking, "is that it?"?
I am also blessed to have my family that support me no matter what. I think not all family would do that. I know it must be hard to allow your kids, especially the only daughter of the family, to live thousand miles away from home. *although my mom kinda likes it, as an excuse for her to travel here LOL*
And last but not least.. I'm blessed to have met my love :)
Sunday, January 15, 2017
Writing About Good Things Only..
To be honest, if there's any media that captures both sides of my life, good and bad, it would probably be this blog. Although lately it may sound like I've been bragging (do you think so? LOL), I didn't mean to. Of course I have a lot of concerns in my life, problems (not so much actually, remembering I have always tried to follow the rules), but I realize writing about bad stuffs doesn't really do any good for you.
It is understandable that sometimes you want to express your sadness, your disappointment, etc, but this just triggered the negativity in your life. At least that what I think. That's why most of the times I like to write about good, sweet things happening in my life. It's not really for imaging (baca: pencitraan. LOL) but it's more for my mental healthiness.
That's the same when I want to share my unluckiness with my friends. It is good at one point to get a support of the problems you're facing. But whether your feelings will get better or not also depends on who responds to it. Some friends, I realized, just make it even worse. They didn't offer some kind of consolation, instead, they made us feel even worse and worthless. LOL. Or sometimes they didn't care as much, so they didn't even respond well to it. So what's the point of sharing the bad stuffs?
Although I know some people that would listen to my concerns and respond well to it. My BF is one of them, hence I like to share it with him. Such a sweetheart. Other people would be mostly my family, my parents especially. Although I don't really share everything in my life with them. They are not so open minded, I think. But when it comes to career, education, I would share it with them of course.
It is understandable that sometimes you want to express your sadness, your disappointment, etc, but this just triggered the negativity in your life. At least that what I think. That's why most of the times I like to write about good, sweet things happening in my life. It's not really for imaging (baca: pencitraan. LOL) but it's more for my mental healthiness.
That's the same when I want to share my unluckiness with my friends. It is good at one point to get a support of the problems you're facing. But whether your feelings will get better or not also depends on who responds to it. Some friends, I realized, just make it even worse. They didn't offer some kind of consolation, instead, they made us feel even worse and worthless. LOL. Or sometimes they didn't care as much, so they didn't even respond well to it. So what's the point of sharing the bad stuffs?
Although I know some people that would listen to my concerns and respond well to it. My BF is one of them, hence I like to share it with him. Such a sweetheart. Other people would be mostly my family, my parents especially. Although I don't really share everything in my life with them. They are not so open minded, I think. But when it comes to career, education, I would share it with them of course.
Saturday, January 14, 2017
Looking back..
Yesterday my BF said,
"this is your first time falling in love.. I've been there before, so I'm wary.."
"No.. I've always loved people. They just never reciprocated"
"Well.. since our love is mutual, that's making it stronger"
***
That's true. The part where "they never reciprocated". I was in quite a few relationships before, if you can call so. But I just realized now that most of them are jack-asses?! Not because it's over now that I talk shit about it, but that's how it was. None of them were being really real to me. In the end just taking advantages because I loved them so much. But one person that I can say was the meanest of all must be my Ex "H". I mostly talked about him back in 2013.
Somehow I found out some of my conversation with him back in 2014 I think, after he's missing for a year without explanation. OMG that guy was so so so piece of shit you know. Like most of the things he said to me is a B.S. He would be a perfect example of a NATO people. No Action Talk Only.
Some of the "promises" he said to me that never happened:
- He would be coming to Jakarta every month or 2 months to see me (after he's transferred to another country)
- He would come to my brother's wedding and meet my family (back in 2014)
- He would eventually see me in Colorado back in October 2015
- He would skype with me
not to mention he stood me up numerous times during our togetherness in Jakarta. Like he would make a vague appointment with me and by the time we were supposed to meet, he would give so many excuses like he's sick, he needed to go somewhere, he didn't feel like going anymore because of the traffic. OMG. I know, I know, how stupid I was. Even one time he suddenly said he needed to go to England for his friend's wedding (very very last minute) on our "supposedly" dating day?! He sent me his boarding pass and such, but seriously....
And I don't know (until now) what was his problem, really. Is he mentally ill? Like how do you think someone can treat someone else like that? Giving false hope everytime only to break it and disappearing without any explanation. Zero. Of course it was my fault too, to give him that chances. Well, I was a lot younger at that time and I've never met someone "walk the talk" until now. I would show some of my chat with him in 2014 I think, after he disappeared and tried to get back together. Which of course never happens. I don't even know if he is still alive by now. Last time I was in touch with him was probably in October 2015 when he said he was gonna fly and see me here. And... went radio silent. Crazy.
"this is your first time falling in love.. I've been there before, so I'm wary.."
"No.. I've always loved people. They just never reciprocated"
"Well.. since our love is mutual, that's making it stronger"
***
That's true. The part where "they never reciprocated". I was in quite a few relationships before, if you can call so. But I just realized now that most of them are jack-asses?! Not because it's over now that I talk shit about it, but that's how it was. None of them were being really real to me. In the end just taking advantages because I loved them so much. But one person that I can say was the meanest of all must be my Ex "H". I mostly talked about him back in 2013.
Somehow I found out some of my conversation with him back in 2014 I think, after he's missing for a year without explanation. OMG that guy was so so so piece of shit you know. Like most of the things he said to me is a B.S. He would be a perfect example of a NATO people. No Action Talk Only.
Some of the "promises" he said to me that never happened:
- He would be coming to Jakarta every month or 2 months to see me (after he's transferred to another country)
- He would come to my brother's wedding and meet my family (back in 2014)
- He would eventually see me in Colorado back in October 2015
- He would skype with me
not to mention he stood me up numerous times during our togetherness in Jakarta. Like he would make a vague appointment with me and by the time we were supposed to meet, he would give so many excuses like he's sick, he needed to go somewhere, he didn't feel like going anymore because of the traffic. OMG. I know, I know, how stupid I was. Even one time he suddenly said he needed to go to England for his friend's wedding (very very last minute) on our "supposedly" dating day?! He sent me his boarding pass and such, but seriously....
And I don't know (until now) what was his problem, really. Is he mentally ill? Like how do you think someone can treat someone else like that? Giving false hope everytime only to break it and disappearing without any explanation. Zero. Of course it was my fault too, to give him that chances. Well, I was a lot younger at that time and I've never met someone "walk the talk" until now. I would show some of my chat with him in 2014 I think, after he disappeared and tried to get back together. Which of course never happens. I don't even know if he is still alive by now. Last time I was in touch with him was probably in October 2015 when he said he was gonna fly and see me here. And... went radio silent. Crazy.
It is actually pretty embarrassing to show all of these again, cause what's the point, this guy just lied all.the.time. But yea, that's pretty much stuffs he said that still gave me false hopes, towards the end. But from those snapshots you can see how stupid I was LOL. Like a giggly girl just swallowing every words he said. Sometimes I think I thought he really was into me because he would shower me with expensive gifts. Perfumes, cellphone (newest iphone at that time), a holiday trip to Bali in a REALLY nice place, etc. Always took me to a nice place for a meal, like fancy hotels for brunches, dinners. NEVER let me pay.
That is probably very very shallow. I know it is very nice to get a gift from someone important to you, but that is ultimately not a guarantee. My BF right now never really showered me with that kind of stuffs, of course. I know his limitation. Yet with his limitation he still did things for me that make me feel like I've been given something so expensive. Oh wait, genuine care and love are indeed expensive :)
Oh well.. lessons learned, everybody!
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