Not sure if I've ever written bout this before..
Maybe I did.
But anyways, nowadays I have been more galau than usual.
(kapan sih lo nggak?)
It is the point when you start to think,
Have I done what I really have to do at this point?
Have I achieved things I should be achieving?
Am I successful enough compare to my peers? Friends?
Am I happy with all of these? Or do I secretly want different path of life?
Say I'm happy and satisfied at this moment, then, what's next?
Am I gonna be constantly satisfied, or will I always crave for something new? Something out of ordinary?
When am I gonna stop and just enjoy the moment?
Not looking at others' and comparing?
Life is a competition, whether you like it or not.
People will always standardized their life based on others'.
Other's success, life, achievement, so on, so on.
How much money do u make?
What do you have? House? Car? Apartment? Other kind of investments?
Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend? Married? Have kids? Are your kids smart and competitive? What have they achieved?
Where did you get your degree? What degree? Where do you work? What is your position?
Have you traveled abroad? Which continent? Which country?
Are you attractive? What brand do you wear?
and the list is still on going....
Sometimes we just have to stop and enjoy, and be grateful.
That's why it is always good to look around those who are less fortunate than us, not to make us feel better (or maybe yes), but to remember to say thanks.
And afterall, it is just life.
Monday, April 27, 2015
Wednesday, April 22, 2015
Untitled
It has been quite a while since the last time I wrote.
But yea the last few weeks I had been very very very busy.
But now that the project has been finished, I'm just becoming as jobless as I could ever be.
Jobless and galau.
Why galau? Cos I haven't applied for my US visa yet, and this thing is now kinda bothering me a little.
Actually there is no big problem, it is just that I have to change my full name on the student record, which then affecting my student account, my I-20 form, hence affecting the timing for me to apply my visa.
Well it is still end of April, and I should be there at least mid August. Let me see.. it is still about more than 3 months, so I should be OK.
I'm just anxious,
nervous,
etc what you would like to call it.
I'm just afraid that somehow I would jeopardize the whole planning.
Anyway.
Despite those anxiety, I've been good.
Pretty excited for the whole thing. Have been eating a lot (I don't know why exactly), but most people would say, "enjoy that now, for you won't find smthing like that while you're there".
Well noted.
I have been training myself before I leave, by washing most of my clothes, cleaning out my apartment, even clean out my bathroom every week now.
I have also been thinking, probably I should learn how to cook some of my favourite dishes.
Hmm... we'll see.
Sometimes I wonder whether I'm a lazy person or the opposite.
Cos when it comes to something I really want, I would do everything. Even the hard way to achieve it.
But sometimes for something small that I need to take care of, I would wait for as long as it can take to finish that.
Oh well..
Talking bout smthing else lately, I have been avoiding some friends of mine. Let's call them "the party friends".
While I had enjoyed spending time with them, lately (or well.. maybe around 2 mths ago already) I realized that I don't want to be involved too deep into their life anymore.
I found it too... wrong.
Everything.
While some wise people would say, well. you can hang out with em without trying to be like them.
True.
But, the more you spend time with them, the more you will think (either you realize it or not) that their "behaviour" is somehow normal.
Which, believe me, it should not be called normal.
Ah.. anyways, after I tried to stay away from them for the last 2 months, I feel healthier.
Physically and mentally.
I wouldn't say I despise em of course. It's just, I don't want to know too deep, too detail, of every wrong things they do.
OK,
I thing that's all my "unek2" for today :)
Thanks for enjoying it.
*halah*
But yea the last few weeks I had been very very very busy.
But now that the project has been finished, I'm just becoming as jobless as I could ever be.
Jobless and galau.
Why galau? Cos I haven't applied for my US visa yet, and this thing is now kinda bothering me a little.
Actually there is no big problem, it is just that I have to change my full name on the student record, which then affecting my student account, my I-20 form, hence affecting the timing for me to apply my visa.
Well it is still end of April, and I should be there at least mid August. Let me see.. it is still about more than 3 months, so I should be OK.
I'm just anxious,
nervous,
etc what you would like to call it.
I'm just afraid that somehow I would jeopardize the whole planning.
Anyway.
Despite those anxiety, I've been good.
Pretty excited for the whole thing. Have been eating a lot (I don't know why exactly), but most people would say, "enjoy that now, for you won't find smthing like that while you're there".
Well noted.
I have been training myself before I leave, by washing most of my clothes, cleaning out my apartment, even clean out my bathroom every week now.
I have also been thinking, probably I should learn how to cook some of my favourite dishes.
Hmm... we'll see.
Sometimes I wonder whether I'm a lazy person or the opposite.
Cos when it comes to something I really want, I would do everything. Even the hard way to achieve it.
But sometimes for something small that I need to take care of, I would wait for as long as it can take to finish that.
Oh well..
Talking bout smthing else lately, I have been avoiding some friends of mine. Let's call them "the party friends".
While I had enjoyed spending time with them, lately (or well.. maybe around 2 mths ago already) I realized that I don't want to be involved too deep into their life anymore.
I found it too... wrong.
Everything.
While some wise people would say, well. you can hang out with em without trying to be like them.
True.
But, the more you spend time with them, the more you will think (either you realize it or not) that their "behaviour" is somehow normal.
Which, believe me, it should not be called normal.
Ah.. anyways, after I tried to stay away from them for the last 2 months, I feel healthier.
Physically and mentally.
I wouldn't say I despise em of course. It's just, I don't want to know too deep, too detail, of every wrong things they do.
OK,
I thing that's all my "unek2" for today :)
Thanks for enjoying it.
*halah*
Sunday, April 5, 2015
Nervous
I think I'm having the "cold feet" moment now.
Not until the point where I'm backing out of course (duh! backing out? This had been my dream for so long).
But just to imagine I'm going to experience a totally different environment, I'm sooooo frickiinnnggg nervous!
It just happened suddenly. I'm thinking about, how am I going to live there, thousand miles from my home country, 12-13 hrs difference, without my regular salary like in here.
I mean I will get the salary from the professor, but not as much as I make here.
I know the next thing I'm going to talk about, may sound "ugh", but this is the truth.
I'm anxious about, the availability of several things.
Like...
saloon?
I will miss the time when I can get manicure and pedicure for only +/-USD10.
Waxing for only USD8-10
Massage for about the same price.
I will miss nasi padang.
Arghh!
I know it now sounds like I'm an ungrateful b*atch.
Pardon my language
Not until the point where I'm backing out of course (duh! backing out? This had been my dream for so long).
But just to imagine I'm going to experience a totally different environment, I'm sooooo frickiinnnggg nervous!
It just happened suddenly. I'm thinking about, how am I going to live there, thousand miles from my home country, 12-13 hrs difference, without my regular salary like in here.
I mean I will get the salary from the professor, but not as much as I make here.
I know the next thing I'm going to talk about, may sound "ugh", but this is the truth.
I'm anxious about, the availability of several things.
Like...
saloon?
I will miss the time when I can get manicure and pedicure for only +/-USD10.
Waxing for only USD8-10
Massage for about the same price.
I will miss nasi padang.
Arghh!
I know it now sounds like I'm an ungrateful b*atch.
Pardon my language
Thursday, April 2, 2015
Growing Up
You know..
Growing up turns out to be not that easy. Though it's still something we have to get through eventually.
It is in its disguise. You don't realize you are already trapped in the process.
Suddenly you live by your self.
Make your own money.
Have your own place.
Pay your own bills.
Arrange all of the things by your self, you have your own responsibility, of yourself.
And when you realize, you think, "hey, is it what they call growing-up? It is not that bad.. not easy too , though.
And there is that phase when you are able to control yourself more. You learn by making mistakes.
Part of the things that grown-up or adults usually say, you aren't going to listen to people when they tell you not to do things.
You will still do it.
And later, you find out that what they have been telling you, is true.
And THAT is when you learn not to do that again in the future.
And about self-control. I think I could get promoted to the next level of it.
I can now influence my own thoughts.
I can say, "no, Sheila, that's not important".
I will still think about it though,
but myself will no longer loose control to then do something I will regret.
Well, maybe.
Or maybe just because I'm busy bout something else.
Growing up turns out to be not that easy. Though it's still something we have to get through eventually.
It is in its disguise. You don't realize you are already trapped in the process.
Suddenly you live by your self.
Make your own money.
Have your own place.
Pay your own bills.
Arrange all of the things by your self, you have your own responsibility, of yourself.
And when you realize, you think, "hey, is it what they call growing-up? It is not that bad.. not easy too , though.
And there is that phase when you are able to control yourself more. You learn by making mistakes.
Part of the things that grown-up or adults usually say, you aren't going to listen to people when they tell you not to do things.
You will still do it.
And later, you find out that what they have been telling you, is true.
And THAT is when you learn not to do that again in the future.
And about self-control. I think I could get promoted to the next level of it.
I can now influence my own thoughts.
I can say, "no, Sheila, that's not important".
I will still think about it though,
but myself will no longer loose control to then do something I will regret.
Well, maybe.
Or maybe just because I'm busy bout something else.
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